21st August
I've fallen into a hole
I tried to force myself to be someone I'm not
I wore a mask for so long
I hid my true self for so many years
I don't even know who the real me is
I was ashamed to love my music and show it for years
I was scared to be myself
I forced myself into a box and now that I want to come out I can't
Lonely nights might show a real side of me
I don't even know
I look in the mirror and I see someone I don't know
I see a body which isn't a mine
A smile that isn't true
Eyes that are on the verge of tears
I joke that I don't remember my natural hair colour
But is it funny or is it worrying?
I have already changed my appearance for so long that I don't remember myself
The same happened inside
I changed my humour to fit a group
I bite my tongue when they say stuff I don't like
I keep my opinions to myself
Even if I'm not disagreeing with theirs
It's different
I dream of green eyes not brown
I search for ways to hide my freckles
I cover my stomach in creams to hide the stretch marks
I wish for a different body shape
The person I see myself as isn't me
I tried to save parts of who I was
But I ended up loosing myself more
Who am I now?
What have I become?
I can't even recognise the person staring back at me anymore
I fell too far down the hole now
There's no escape
But I still wish for more change
A part of me begs for more change to happen
I want it to stop but I feel as though I'll never be happy if I do
I'm torn between staying as the person I am or becoming someone else
I'm not the person I once was
Or even a resemblance of that
Who have I become?
Who will I be in the future?
Will my friends still know who I am?
I don't even know who I am sometimes
YOU ARE READING
Late night thoughts
Non-FictionWaking up during the night because of nightmares or just on my own usually leads me down a path of thinking. So I write what I think and these are some of the things I have written. These are a few of my late night thoughts
