Deadly Shenanigans

Enter Cundrie (Cundrie)

God I love custard. Do you love custard? I love custard. It's so creamy and smooth, and sweet, but not to sweet. Oh, and when they wrap crispy dough around it! And doughy dough! Oh man and the ones with sugar sprinkled over it that gives some subtle sweetness to the tiny crunch and texture of the dough. And when they wrap it into small balls that squirt custard when you bite down. All the different subtle variations of flavor... Mmmm... I love it when-

Suddenly a girl of probably thirteen walked straight into me, rudely startling me from my fantasy.

"Pardon me ma'am." Her voice was reedy, but sweet.

She had an oval face that ended in a soft chin. A long, slim nose sat neatly above thin lips. Her watery green eyes were big, with full lashes. Slim eyebrows that were probably high arched already, rose higher in surprise.

"Hey it's no problem." I wiped a few specks of drool from my lips, and did my best to smile. Does she recognize me? It hasn't been long but I look pretty different...

She did her best to curtsy despite the lanky limbs she obviously wasn't used to. Well shit.

"Lady Abstinence." She murmured, The word abstinence sounded more like a question then she probably meant. I felt a blotchy, red flush of guilty shame coloring my neck, cheeks, and ears. I was suddenly very aware of the full meals sitting in my body. I felt my stomach wobble as a returned her curtsy.

"Hi." Abort, abort, abort.

    The girl deepened her curtsy, then gave me an awkward smile before continuing on her way. I ducked my head guiltily and decided the custard could wait. Instead opting for a walk.

    I wasn't recognized often, my weight and size had tripled since i'd given up my vow of abstinence. Even my bright red bun looked different, the tight smooth knot at the nape of my neck had become loose and curly at the top of my head. It's been a year since I'd converted and joined the sins. During the first few months I couldn't be sure I'd done the right thing. I was inspiring as Lady Abstinence Ha, I could smile at children and watch their faces fill with gap toothed smiles. People would watch me and wonder if their actions were unnecessary. I once helped a morbidly obese man lose two hundred pounds. With tears in his eyes he told me how much healthier he felt, and happy he was. As Lady Abstinence I knew my parents would be proud of me. I had perfect self control, only eating what I needed, and never drinking alcohol. Yet like all the recent virtues I came into my position early and thus wasn't ready. Being expected to give everything over to people who gave nothing in return was killing me.

I don't know how Earl and Jon did it, and I guess I never asked. I just remember bringing Reaka food because she was always giving hers away. She was as skinny as I was...

Suddenly a sugary, cinnamon scent wafted, like the breath of angels, into my nose. Churros. I turned to see Rupert, a candy vendor. His tiny bell tinkling with the purest sound of joy and happiness. The scent, and sight of the crispy, sugary, gifts from God himself stunned me. Oh man it's been... so long... at least two days...

"Good morning Cundrie!" Exclaimed Rupert, a huge smile forming beneath his unkempt red beard.

"Ayyyy! Rupert my man!" I responded, returning his goofy grin. "It's been to long!" His already wide smile broadened.

"So what's it gonna be?" Pulling out a purse of money Reaka had reluctantly given me. I excitedly began selecting sweets. A bowl of strawberry pudding with currants, fruit tarts, churros (of course), toffees, and caramels. I bought so much I couldn't take it all with me, and ended up spending over an hour gorging myself and talking to Rupert. I told him about our leaky walls (we have to tape Irens hand over the hole above her favorite red chair) and how hard cooking was in a bunker. He told me about his kids and his wife. We swapped recipes and I left feeling happy and five pounds heavier.

As I left I remembered something Reaka had said to me. Her face set with determination, and her voice firm.

"We don't owe them anything."

I smiled to myself and patted my tummy. I'm not gonna be ashamed. I'm gonna show the world how much I love food! And with that thought I walked off into the sunset toward the bunker. Eating a creamy but crispy, smooth but doughy, sweet, sweet custard cake.