Deadly Shenanigans

Welcome Scarlett (Scarlett)

I smiled hopefully at every single one of them. Reaka, Cundrie, Iren and, Emalia. Well...Iren was almost half asleep and drooling on Cundrie's  shoulder. I held the thick knotty lead rope in my sweaty palm praying to God for someone to smile or at least give me a thumbs up.

"I-Is that-" Emalia started, looking at Raeka.

"A cow! I know! Isn't she gorgeous!" I stroked the cows soft milky (ha pun) white head. Her drippy pink nose sniffed the cold autumn air.

"Scarlett... I'm going to love her and pet her and feed her the yummiest cow food in the entire world." Cundrie whispered in awe.

"Where would we keep her?" Questioned Reaka nervously. I didn't look up at her, I just kept stroking the cow's velvety eats.

"We can keep him in the bunker! The place already smells like vomit anyway...what's a little cow smell?" I exclaimed. To be honest, the bunker totally disgusted me. I mean, how was a splendid person like me supposed to live in something like that?! The cow lowered his delicate head to the ground to eat a tuft of grass lounging on the side of the dirt road. Cundrie wiggled her shoulders so Iren would wake up.

"Iren!" She whispered. Iren's beautifully tired eyes opened. Are her eyes prettier than mine? N-no...they...are they?! She rubbed her face and looked directly at the cow. Minutes of silence followed.

"That's lit." Iren spoke softly. She yawned and turned heading straight for the bunker. I don't think I've ever loved her more.

"Wow...I've never seen that cow before, should be fun." Raeka took out a small metallic knick knack and started toying with it before following Iren back to the shelter, she avoided all eye contact.

"What...what's it for?" Emalia asked.

"Transportation! Fun! Grooming!" I pointed a finger gun at her with my one free perfect hand. Emalia rolled her eyes.

"Roll your eyes all you want I will force you to love this cow. I swear on the king of Tamriel's grave I will." I looked at her dead in the eye.

"Yeah okay." The only one left...Cundrie. Cundrie had a long shadowed area on her shoulder from Iren's drool. She was staring at the cow biting her rose-colored lips.

"So?" I shimmied on up to her. The cow breathed heavily. He was so done. Cundrie looked at me in the eye and then at her grocery list.

"He's adorable and I will feed him the best food. And I'm glad he'll help with these long walks to Tamriel." Cundrie patted me on the shoulder and starts down the dirt road. Unconvinced, I yelled after Cundrie.

"Wanna ride him to Tamriel right now?! It'll be so dope. I promise you!" I screamed a tad to0 loudly. Cundrie gave an apologetic smile and carried on, taking a cream-stuffed pastry out of her pocket. I stroked the cow and kissed him.

"They'll learn to love you. Just as much I love you. And I promise you I shall never stop loving you." I continued to caress the cows head dramatically. I led the cow through the long tunnel that was our doorway. Small beads of water tumbling from the top of the narrow tunnel dripped on my knee-length black and red floral skirt and my short red sweater.

"Mother-" The cow let out a long deep call that echoed throughout the tunnel. It sent little tingles down my spine. I feel like it's the closest I'll get to a professional massage. Broke people problems. "Come on you." I pulled a bit harder on the lead rope. The cow resisted and pulled back, causing me to wobble and unintentionally stomp my right foot and a deep puddle of murky water. I could feel my foot sinking in, becoming stuck. My ankle started beating and I couldn't move my foot. I struggled to pull my sinking foot out of the deepening water, but it remained there. A cul de sac of ice water began to eat up my foot along with the rest of the puddle. 

"My shoe!" I lifted my foot up without hesitation. I dropped to my knees and stuck my hand, that wasn't holding the cow, in the puddle. You know those puddles that you step in and they appear nice and innocent but the bottom is mucky and disgusting. Yeah. Picture that...x10 and way deeper. My hands become shaky and tired...but my shoe! Please no I'm broke and these are 300 dollar shoes please please NooOoooOOOoooOoOOO. I guess my belows of perfectly pitched agony were louder than planned because Emalia came running to me with a small grin on her face. A moment of reticence filled the cramped tunnel. Emalia stared at me with her satisfactory face. Even in this dark dingy tunnel, that I hoped one day would collapse so I wouldn't have to look at it anymore, her face was still glowing.

"Well?! Don't just stand there help me!" I growled. Emalia's grin sprouted like one of those ugly flowers coming out of the side of the bunker's kitchen.

"Do something! Or get the cow to pull me out!" I whined. The cow stared at the side of the tunnel like it just told the cow a bad joke. Emalia loudly interrupted my analyzing of cow face expressions with her bubbly hysterical giggles.

"Oh my God. STOP." I slapped my free hand down. With just my luck, it landed in a dabble of liquid. God knows what it was. Emalia finished laughing and held out a hand. I rolled my eyes.

"Fine then. Don't accept my help." Emalia crossed her arms. Her arms are so...boney.

"No. Please." I held out my pale, but alluring, arm.

    Emalia walked before me into the bunker. I walked in front of the smug looking cow into the bunker. The sins were gathered around the small well worm table. Iren was curled up sleeping in a rather uncomfortable looking position. But hey, she was Iren, she can sleep however whenever. Cundrie was dipping small exotic looking fruits into a bowl of cream and popping them into her mouth. Raeka had a book open with her bedazzled bookmark to her right. It was at that moment right there right then I realized I was covered in mud and completely drenched, thanks cow. Emalia cleared her throat, hoping to bring attention to me and the...cow. Cundrie looked up and beamed with excitement. It took Raeka a few seconds to look up, but when she did the delight on her face was immeasurable.

"So...the cow." I uttered. Haha! Get it? Uttered. I may be the embodiment of vanity, but I'm also upraorius. Silence incorporates itself into the room. I flip my one shoe off and start stroking the cows tender neck. As soon as that happens, the cow releases a long unsteady bellow, shaking the kitchen table. The sins all turn towards Iren and cover their mouths, it's an instinct now.

"Shh!" We all whisper shout. To late. Game over. We dead. Iren opens glassy eyes to reveal red hot hatred. Frickle frackle paddywackle. She sits up, multiple bones cracking. She investigates the room murderously and pauses on me. She is going to kill me. She goes from giving me the recite-your-will-in-your-head-right-now look to laughing. No crap, laughing. Irens laughing. So is Emalia...and Raeka. Cundrie's doing more of a chuckle. I scowl at all of them...how dare they laugh at me. I hand the soggy leadrope over to Emalia and head for my bedroom.

    "Where are you going?" Emalia asks.

    "Away. I'm in a bad MOOd." Okay, okay, that pun was as unnecessary as it was amazing. But yeah that's me and my fabulous self...Scarlett. And that's us...the sins.