Spiraling, fast, then slow
Falling to my fate, I can't do anything but watch
Even though I could only watch, it was as painful as if I were experiencing it
Seeing how useless I can be, how useless I am
There are many of them, encircling me
They whip me with their words, bruising me with invisible scars
"they don't want you there", one says
"why would they? You do NOTHING", another adds on
The rest chime in with similar phrases, all which sound like defeat
Their whips turned to tasers, burning me with fear
They want me to cave in, but I persist
But, one can only be so strong
The more I fight, the tighter the cuffs around my wrists feel
The more I speak, the harder they whip
The more I lie there the harder it is to persist
But I do
Is it worth it? I thought it would be, but it isn't
'I can't do this anymore' I think
But I had to, right?
"stop trying, it only ends in pain and fear" was the last thing I heard before the sound of me crying overtook my mind
Thoughts of what could happen, thoughts of what could be, I guess it's easier to give in
And so, I do
They won, they won me, my thoughts, my actions, my life
I whip out my phone and text back my friend
"I'm sorry," I tell them, "something unexpected came up, and I can't make it out tonight. Have fun without me."
I couldn't even call them, I couldn't even dignify my response, I couldn't own up to my own failures
'all well,' I think, 'this is something I have to get used to, I guess'
I sit back and let the thoughts consume me
I realize in that moment, that I am not living my life, I'm watching it through fear
*I'm sorry it's so long for my first poem, but it's something I'm really proud of. I hope you like it as much as I do, or somewhat close
YOU ARE READING
Fantasy Feelings
PoetryHello my lovelies, this is yet another poetry book. This one has more variety to it. Some about anxiety, loss, depression, even depersonalization. But don't worry, positivity shall be spread amongst the book as well. Feel free to comment your though...
