Fantasy Feelings

wasted time

*disclaimer* this is not to say all therapists act this way, this is just the most immature therapist I've ever come across. He makes me not want to seek therapy again, but for anyone seeking help, it's worth it. Don't let your fears stop you from finding the right person though. The right therapist works to help you, or don't work to help them. Thank you.

Through all of my time at therapy, I've never experienced this
I've never had someone turn on the gas and watch me explode just because I blew out their flame
I never had a professional build up walls around themselves with the shattered remains of my broken concrete
Never before have I lived with the aching in my chest caused by the fear of uncertainty
Not because of my therapist

I'm used to living in fear, shaky hands waving at the on coming panic no one but me sees
But it's been due to past trauma
Not my trauma resurfacing in the body of an immature scholar

No matter how much progress I make
No matter how many bricks I push aside to let them in on what happens inside my head
It's never good enough
It's always something more he wants from me
There is always something I've done wrong

He shuts down before the session begins
He has closed the book because he did not like the main character's meal at breakfast
And when told to eat granola instead of chia seeds on top of their oatmeal the main character shut down too

He tries to change the things in my life that don't require improvement
It's as if after all the years he's been in school he only knows how to use the work that is already done for him

Worksheets and papers with words already concocted
He likes to take the easy way out because when he asks me how I feel and I say I am breathing, he doesn't know what else to do but pull out a feelings wheel
This is not a game show
I can't let the wheel spin and let the arrow decide how I feel
That's my job, and I already finished the work
It was then your job to decode the meaning
Or are my expectations set too high?