Fantasy Feelings

A Puppy Love Confusion

*A/N*(I'm sorry it's also long) ~ hey hey my lovelies❤ yes, another extremely long one... I'm sorry. But, through it all I believe that this is something I truly love and serves an important message. So, I understand if no one reads this fully, but if you do, thank you for taking the time to, I believe it should be worth it. On a side note, thank you to all 22 of you who have taken the time to read these poems. I appreciate every single one of you❤ I love all of you and to everyone reading, have the most wonderful day. Feel free to comment your thoughts and ideas. Stay lucid❤

As a kid, I always fell for puppy love, fooling it with a romanticized sensation that no 6 year old should feel
I always thought that love was in the way someone looked at you as you spoke
They way they laughed as you told a dumb joke
They way they smiled as you walked in and sat down in your assigned seat that was next to theirs
And I guess that this is true, love does consist of such aspects
But as a kid, I thought this was all love was
I didn't know that there was a feeling behind it, a commitment that couldn't possibly happen
Puppy love is easy to confuse with the real thing
With such little experience, anything can be love
Someone pulling your seat out too far and laughing at your fall is considered flirting
You are told to laugh along because that's the wanted reaction
Someone pulling your hair and dragging you down to your knees is the most intimate moment one child can have with another
Being called dirty names as someone slaps you straight across the face is a sign of endearment and should be acted upon with fondness
As a child, I would lay awake, fantasizing about my Prince charming
The one who never thought of me the same way
The one who I thought only loved me because they forced a laugh when I spoke with humor so I didn't feel awkward
The one who would only talk to me because we were assigned to work together
I thought this was love
Now that I'm older, the ideology of romance was different, skewed adjacent in the direction of abuse
As children we are taught that abuse is love, and so my path for a fond human connection stayed straight ahead
Now I think being left on read for 3 days is love because they have the excuse of being too busy with family to back up their actions
Now I think that being cheated on brings me a sense of warmth because they are right, we were never together in the first place
Being in love means being belittled for feeling
For sharing emotions with your partner and them telling you to stop because you are making them feel bad that they can't help
A sense of infatuation was ignited when the person you sworn your time to wastes their time talking to others they swore were not better than you when you asked why they did it
In the end of everything I stopped asking questions and went with the flow
I thought that a commitment so strong meant you had to do whatever they wanted, because love is about making your partner happy, regardless of your preference, right?
My sense of love is skewed far from love
I cannot grasp the feeling one gets when they feel this way
I always thought abuse was another word for adoration because why else would they hurt you, if they didn't love you to start with
I now see that it's wrong, but not in what way
Everyone's story of love is different, yet there is a difference between what I went though and love
Someone who cares about you won't hurt you,
Won't leave you wondering why you weren't good enough
Won't put you down so they can use you as their stepping stone
Love is equal, it is a passion and admiration for someone, and all of them
It's not just the lust feeling for the surface of one's soul
This is yearning for one's life, knowing that holding their hand means holding their heart as well