Not such a frantastic life

Just give up.

Connor's POV-

Lately my life has been so shity. I don't remember the last time that I showered, slept or ate. After Lydia left or whatever happened to her, I just kinda gave up. The house is a mess well my room, because i kinda have been living in it for the past week,and so am I ,I just miss her.

I roll out of bed. I smell and look like shit. Why am I so pathetic? Slowly I make my way to the bathroom. I turn on some warm water. I can feel the tears falling from my red puffy eyes, I can't do this she is everywhere I look. I can't even take a shit without thinking of how she used to be in the shower yelling at me to get out because I smell so bad.  she is all I can see I just need to get out and leave, I need to go somewhere it's clear that she isn't coming back anytime soon. She is the first person I have cared for in a long time and this is how she treats me. well then I don't need her. I hop in the shower, the water feels so good tricking down my back.

Today is the day that I stop crying over Lydia I know it is really soon but this is eating me away inside. This pain is way worst than i thought it ever could be.

I get out, I feel a lot better now that I am clean. I put on a pair of black jeans and a slightly tight white shirt, that shows off the little muscle I have. I style my hair and check myself out in the mirror. it's time to move forward.

Jc's POV-

"Connor where are you going?" He hasn't came out of his room for about a week and now he comes out looking better that ever,like Lydia isn't still missing. so of course I'm going to wondering what's going on.

" I'm going out to do something with my life, I'm tired of crying and being sad it isn't worth it." I'm so angry that he just said that how could he say that about Lydia I thought he loved her.

" How could you even say a thing like that? So Lydia isn't worth it? I thought you loved her and now you are just walking out on her she could need our help. you can't say you love her then not even try to find her. Do you not even know the first thing about love. I know you may want to give up on her but i don't! only God knows where she is right now and what is happening to her connor and you are acting like nothing fucking happened what the hell is wrong with you?"

I know I don't know Lydia like I would like too but I care for her, she took in my niece when she needed a place to go. No thanks to Connor. i think she is beautiful and so smart and she needs to be here but she isn't and that worries me so much that im braking down. i am trying to stay stong for suzys sac but i just don't see that happening for too much longer.  

" Why are you acting like you care about her, you really think that she will love you ever after you RAPED her! Only reason you live here is because she feels bad, she thinks it was all her fault. She hates you and always will so get over yourself and move on, because that's what I'm doing. You think just because i want to move on is because i don't love her? FUCK no i love her with all my damn heart that is why i am moving on because i can't sit here and feel bad for myself. im moving on and if you don't  like it too bad." Connor walked out the house slamming the door behind him making Suzy jump.

" Uncle Jc what  Concon talkin bout where Lydia, when will she be home I misses her." I just pick up Suzy and take her upstairs. I'm leaving with Suzy and not caring what Connor has to say about it. Not like he would really care anyways.

Everything that Connor said to me keeps running through my head. She doesn't hate me, does she? I said I was sorry I didn't mean to hurt her. I feel the heat of the tear slid down my face. "My mommy told me that sometimes people have to cry all there tears to make room for a heart full of smiles." Suzy whips the tear away with her thumb. I take her in my arms and squeeze her tight. "Yeah she told me that to when I was around your age." Suzy just had a worried sad look on her face.

"Do you love Lydia?" I look at her with a confused look.

" ConCon said she will never love you why not, I love you." I really don't know how to response to her questions. of course I care for Lydia but Connor is right she must hate me after I put her through so much. I really can't even recall that night clearly i only remember bits and pieces. I know i hurt her but im hurt to just by knoiwing that i could do something so wrong. Im so stupid.

" Come on Suzy let's get your stuff okay." I start folding her clothes and putting them inside of her suitcases.

"Why we leaving?" she picks up her Barbie's and puts them in her Barbie bookbag. She is really organized for a 4 year old.

" Because Connor needs to be alone for awhile, but I promise you will like where we are going, so you got to get packing miss." She starts laughing and skips around the room putting things on her bags.

I pull out my phone and start looking for apartments. I found a 2 bedroom, 1 bath apartment for 750$ a month. it's only like 6 blocks down but I'm okay with that.

I call the number to see if it is ready to be moved in.

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Our landlords name is Jason and he said that we can move in anytime this week just have the first months rent by Friday. He seems like a pretty decent guy, He looks on the scary side but  so I feel as if we will have no problems. 

Maybe me leaving will make connor come to his senses that he is alone with out Lydia. She was all he had and now he is just throwing that all away to save his own feelings. Even though im leaving i still hope that he is going to be okay without anyone there.

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Hey guys sorry for the lack of updates,  school started and I was trying to get used to my classes.

But at least I'm back. The next chapter will be out Soon. so be ready the tables are turning.

let's get this book to 20k ?

tell a friend shareit , it would be greatly appreciated. 

I love you guys.