Feelings, rants, and more

Why would anyone like me?

A friend of mine texted me and told me he likes me. I didn't say no but I didn't say yes. I don't know him very well and I feel like I will hurt him if I tell him the truth  I don't like him. Yet. Not to say that things can't change, I just don't like him now. Anyway I wrote this shit about how I'm undeserving of love and I hate myself. So enjoy I guess.

Why would you like me? Why would anyone like me? I'm stupid, ugly, annoying, loud, nerdy, obsessive, a waste of space, and so much more. I had to think so hard to find one good thing about myself and I don't even believe that. So why is it that people like me? All the people who like the are always annoying or crazy. Like Martin is a douche, and so is Nolan. Kaden is annoying and dates everyone. Ethlyn is needy, nosy, and she's a liar. And Ian seems...off. I want a girlfriend, but it has to be a good one. I won't date someone that I can't see a long term with. I'm too picky, I guess. Only one girl has liked me, and she isn't a very good person. But, neither am I. Maybe that's why I'm single. I'm too picky, and I'm a terrible person. I'm surprised that I even have friends. I'm surprised that people even want to hang out with me. I hate myself and I don't see why other people don't hate me.

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My friend Ethlyn just told me she is going to ask me to homecoming. Not like she walked up to me and said "oh hey I'm gonna ask you to homecoming okay bye" there was a conversation leading up to it. But I don't like her, and she knows this. Apparently she had some big gesture, but we were talking about homecoming and I said I don't like extra proposals. Then she came up with a different idea, and told it to my cool emo friend Chloe, who said it was super cute and awesome. Now I'm nervous. She knows I don't like her, and she said she doesn't like me. So why is she asking me? I know it's not just as a friend, otherwise she would just ask casually. There would be no need for a sweet gesture. So anyway, here's some shit I wrote about it. 

Why? Why would you ask me to homecoming? I mean- you haven't asked yet...but you told me you were going to. And you know I don't like you. You also told me you liked someone else. And you said you were going to ask me as a friend. But for whatever reason, I don't believe you. I don't want to say no, because I don't want to hurt you. But I want to say no, because I don't want to hurt me. I don't like you. You lie to me and go behind my back to find out all my secrets. I don't want to date someone who doesn't respect my privacy. I don't know what to do. I'm 5 days into high school and there is already too much drama. I already feel depressed and anxious again. I hate it. I hate myself. I hate all of it. On the bus today- I just wanted it to end. I wanted it all to stop. I wanted life to be easy. But I guess that doesn't happen, does it?