Feelings, rants, and more

A poem about some shit in my life

This is a poem I wrote a few days ago. It's about my 'friend' who invaded my secrets by bribing some of my closest friends for information. She wanted to know who I liked- and she found out. It happened last year, and I thought we were done. But on Friday, she brought it up again. In front of my crush (who thought it was a lie that I liked her.) And it brought back all the shit I had felt when it first happened. I had just gotten over the depression and stuff and now it's all back. 

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I should've known we couldn't leave this behind

I should've known you weren't done with me

Can't we leave the past in the past?

Can't you accept that it was you who was in the wrong?

Then we could just move on

Then we could just go our own ways

I want my secrets to stay secret

I want my past to be left in the past

You invaded my life, and when I turned you down

You found the cracks and entered anyway

What you did turned me against my friends

What you did caused me so much self hatred

I felt betrayed by the people I trusted

I felt like someone whose

Secrets were disposable for useless information

Secrets were not important to two of my closest friends

I was anxious and depressed

I was heartbroken and alone

All I want is to move on

All I want is to forget what happened

But I can't. I have to live knowing what I said.

But I can't. I have to live knowing what you did

Now it's all coming back

Now I can feel all the anxiety, depression, and heartbreak

The worst part is, I have to pretend I'm okay.

The worst part is, I have to pretend I'm okay

Except I'm not okay

Except I do care