The Revenant

Drowning in Self Hatred

NOVA

I was numb. I couldn't feel a thing. Not the warmth of the shower water against my skin nor the sensation of my body soaking. The sting of the water against my stitched up wounds was almost non-existant. I felt empty. So empty.

I felt weak. Pathetic. Flashes of the past ran through my mind. Why did Elena need to open up old wounds?

Why did I push her away? She only had good intentions damnit. I pressed my fist against the wall of the shower,drew it back and bashed my knuckles against the wall as hard as I could.

Damnit

I heard the wall tiles shatter beneath my fist. My hand shook violently as I clenched my fist. Opening and closing it rapidly. No pain. Why could I feel nothing?

I was so numb...so empty.

I could barely tell anything anymore. I stood there in that shower,doing nothing more than stare at my hand.

My knuckles were ruined. What had been nothing but a small cut before had now turned into a deep wound,bleeding and falling to the shower floor like water from a waterfall. I saw it again. Like a vision in the water. Instead of my reflection,I saw a different image. A small child. Face covered in bruises. Huddled up in a small corner,head buried into his own kneecaps as he held himself tightly,afraid of losing himself in his own pit of misery.

Another hand reached out for the boy,an adults,grabbed his wrist, and threw him aside,pulling him out of the only place he felt safe,his own embrace.

I stomped onto the image, and when I removed my foot,my blurry reflection had returned in the waters somewhat clear,bloody surface.

That part of your life is over for fuck sake! Forget it! Forget! Forget! Forget! Forget!

I didn't know it,but I was screaming. Yelling. Slamming my fist harder into the wall. I didn't know which looked worse. The wall,which before had a few broken tiles,now had a large denture,like a small crater in the wall,broken tiles and dusty pieces of cement slithered round in the water beneath me.

I dropped to my knee's and buried my face in my hands. I wanted to cry. So badly. I tried. I tried so hard. I wanted to cry. To just let it all out. But I couldn't. I couldn't cry. No matter how much I tried,no matter how much pain I inflicted on my body,I was far too down and depressed to feel anything except an overwhelming numbness and emptiness.

Why did it have to come to this? Why could I not have had a simple childhood? I want to be normal...

It's his fault...

He did this to me...

Scarred me for life...

Forever haunting me in my dreams and every time I close my eye's...

But it's their fault as well...

Those fucking Gods who planned my life out. This was their plan. They created him...that sick fucker.

No...I'll show them. I am no one's puppet. Especially not some fucking invisible being who has no proof of existing.

I'll show them...I'll show all of them...

I will not fear the gods...

My emptiness was soon filled. Away went the numbness. The pain remained absent. I clenched my knuckle tighter,hearing my bones click. My teeth bared together,rage,anger and hatred filled my chest.

I would not fear no man.

No monster.

Especially not some invisible sky daddy.

I would not fear the gods...

They would be the ones who come to fear me

HUGE SHOUTOUT TO NIGHTRAVENXX WHOSE BEEN SUPPORTING MY BOOK YOU'RE AWESOME!