The Revenant

Parent To A Revenant

JOCELYN VI BRITANNIA

He'd grown so much taller since I saw him last. Just a few days ago when he'd visited me,I was so fucked on medication that I barely recognised how tall my son had grown.

And what a fine young man he'd grown into. He was handsome, unlike his degenerate bastard of a father.

"Yeah...I know I meant to come later,but something popped up so...So I figured I'd come in now and spend as much time with you as I could."

I giggled softly. Nova could try to hide it as much as he wanted to,but his caring attitude showed that deep down that little boy was still there. He was no monster. No matter what people said...he was still my little Nova.

He sat beside me on my bed,taking my hand into his. He was cold. As always. He was technically a corpse after all. But regardless,that never ceased to make me feel warm inside. My son,who had grown to be so much more than everyone said he would be. If only I could tell him how proud I was.

"How are you feeling?"

"Same as always. Tired."

"You didn't sleep again?"

"Oh don't patronise me child,you sleep terribly too."

"Yeah but I have my reasons mom...you need rest."

"Is it so wrong for a mother to want to stay awake to see her child?"

"When said mother is sick,yes. You need to sleep."

I shook my head. Silly child,always using his head more than having faith.

"I'm in good hands Nova. The Gods protect me. They gave me the strength to stay awake."

As always, he sighed,planting his palm over his face. "The gods did nothing for you. For the past eleven years they have done NOTHING for you. The only reason you are not dead is because there are doctors and healers here mother."

"You've strayed from the path of the light my son-"

"No Mom I've simply come to the understanding that the gods are nothing more than a fairy tale."

"Provide proof then. That they are not my strength."

"Fine then. I'll stop paying the bills for your hospital bed, you can get thrown out onto the streets. Then,mother,when you're all alone and desperate, and you have no one and nothing but the gods to turn to, pray. Then,when they've given everything back to you, through nothing except prayer, come find me. Then I'll believe you."

Oh my son. I had never once believed Nova would stop having faith. I'd always hoped one day he would see. But...perhaps Nova was correct? Perhaps the gods did not exist? I tried. As a mother, as his parent,I tried to see his perspective. But no matter how hard my efforts were,I could never bring myself to believe in a world where a higher power did not exist. Yet,not only did my son not believe, but I felt that he bolstered a strong, almost destructive hatred for religion. Reasons of which were unknown to me.

As I thought of this,I realised how little I actually knew about my own son. I knew little of why he did what he did that day. I didn't know why his religious views had changed in this way or how he'd come to this conclusion.

I wished...I wished I could turn back the hands of time to better understand my son. Maybe if I weren't such a careless parent I would have been able to save him. Help him.

He let out a sigh, not much different to the ones I let out, and ran his hand through his hair.

"Can we please talk about something else?"