serenity // luke hemmings

2.13

From: Alexandra White <alex_andra.white@gotmail.com>
Sent: Friday, 30 October 2015
To: Luke Hemmings <lukehemmings@hmail.com>
Subject: I didn't mean to scare you.

Luke,

The first version of that email had the phrase 'I'm sorry' over one hundred times. I read back through it before I sent it and I knew I needed to cut out most of them.

I know you didn't want to hear my apologies, and thank you for that I really do appreciate it, but I still needed to know that I've said it. It's a selfish thing, and I needed to know that you knew how bad I felt. Most of all I needed to remind you of all the things I'd done wrong so you'd still remember them when you were deciding if you wanted to forgive me.

Now I'm about to sound unbelievably hypocritical, but you had absolutely nothing to apologise for. You didn't do anything wrong, Luke. The whole thing was on me, just let me take the blame for this one. You shouldn't apologise for caring too much, god knows I need it.

I'm over the whole art school thing. Thinking about it now I'm not even sure why I really wanted to go there, none of the curriculum covered the things that I like to do. Maybe it was just so I could say that I'd had proper training with some prestigious academy. Who cares right? Some of the best artists never had any form of training.

Art isn't exclusively, or even majorly, about the technical skill of the artist. It's about what it makes you feel, and I don't need to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to create meaning. That's always been something I was good at. So, I decided I didn't need them. I picked myself up and I made some decisions.

I handed in my letter of resignation at the bar; that's right; my days getting hit on and groped by men twice my age are over. I didn't need it. My parents pay for the apartment, even though I'd rather they didn't Dad wanted to and I can't say no to that, and I've got enough money saved up to keep me going for a while as long as I don't develop a drug problem.

The next thing I did was I rearranged the whole apartment, if you were to walk in there today you would be really confused. Everything had been the same for too long and I felt like a big change in my life warranted a change in the scenery.

Now I spend a lot of my time outdoors. Well, out in public. I go to galleries a lot, and parks. I try to find inspiration and I like that I can just sit and do whatever I want to do.

I don't know, it's possible that not getting into art school was one of the best things that could have ever happened to me.

I've also been doing a lot of thinking, and I think you might be one of the other best things that have ever happened to me. You just waltzed into my life like it was nothing, Luke Hemmings and now you're here for good. You're in my goddamn veins, and for a little while I tried to bleed you out, but it would seem that you're essential to my continued existence.

Now who's the cheesy one?

Yours,

Alex.