i found you.

i still need you

everyone clapped as i moved away from peters coffin.

"that was an amazing speech bree. peter would've loved it." my mom said to me.

everyone at the funeral took turns spreading dirt on his coffin. except me. i took the necklace he got me on my birthday, and laid it down on him. i couldn't hold back my tears.

"i will love you forever." i whispered.

as everyone left, the people started to cover his coffin completely. that hurt, so much. i couldn't bare to see it so i ran to my car. i broke down. i was angry, i punched the steering wheel and kicked whatever i could. i bawled my eyes out, sitting with my head against the wheel. my hand was all red, and hurt. i didn't care. i didn't want to feel this pain anymore.

why does everyone leave me?

i couldn't express the amount of pain i was in. i've been hurt a lot in my life, but it's never been this extreme before. peter didn't deserve this. it's all my fault.

peter will never have a family. he will never finish high school. he will never be a doctor. he will never be able to save people like he saved me. he will never be able to grow old. he will never be able to live the life he wanted. all because of me.. i could never forgive myself.

~~

i got home and went to my bed. i laid there feeling nothing. from the corner of my eye, i saw my laptop open, with a page pulled up half way. i sat at the chair and clicked it. it was an email from doctor clark.

Good evening Bree,

we got ahold of all peters things, and we were checking everything, then something came up on his computer that i thought you should see. here's the link :

what is it? i clicked the link.

100 reasons why i love bree

1. she always beats me in laser tag
2. her nose scrunches up when she gets excited
3. her smile
4. when she laughs, she gets these wrinkles around her eyes and it's so cute
5. when i'm around her, i can't help but smile
6. her long hair. i love putting my fingers through it
7. she constantly steals my clothes! but i love it
8. how her favorite food is cereal
9. that she thinks spiderman is better than iron man. is she crazy?
10. she jumps when she's excited/ happy
11. her lips taste like cookies
12. hugging her is warm, and makes me so happy
13. her eyes sparkle in the dark time. its like stars reflecting off them
14. she named the bear i got her mr. snuffles
15. she is so great wi

peter never got to finish the list. 15 was enough for me.. reading this made me feel like he was still here. i put on the blue navy jacket he gave me while ice skating, and his iron man socks. i printed out the list, grabbed the mr. snuffles, and laid on my bed. i went to sleep, with peter surrounding me. in every way.

i love you too peter.