"you should've told me."
"i couldn't."
"i would've helped."
"you couldn't have,
you still can't."
-
i wrote this book when i was younger and was going through some stuff, so needless to say, it's shitty and cringey sorry ?
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“can i show you something?” stanley watched intently as her lips pursed.
he was still shocked, and he could tell by the tapping of her fingers on the log that she was anxious.
how could he not be shocked? that was his first kiss, and he shared it with his favorite person in the world, the person who could never do anything wrong in his eyes.
was he even allowed to kiss? was there something in the torah against it? no. it was fine, just, different.
as he pondered, stan began chewing in the inside of his cheek, various questions clouding his mind, like ‘what does this mean?’. but he couldn’t ask those out loud, no he couldn’t.
so he just sat and watched as y/n’s lips shaped out words.
“i’m sorry,” her voice finally managed to break through the wall of thoughts, and a look of confusion spread across his face.
“for what?” he spoke, before even being able to fully comprehend what was happening.
“you look upset, I’m sorry if the.. eh,” y/n grimaced, not really knowing how to feel, “the kiss thing made you upset.”
stanley’s eyes widened at this. she thought he was upset, that he didn’t like the kiss. he did, oh boy he did. since she’d came back, that’s all he’d wanted to do.
“no, don’t be sorry. i uh, i liked it.” he mentally cringed, and though he so badly wanted to eye roll, he resisted the urge.
‘you sound so weird right now.’ he thought. but as he saw how blush scattered y/n’s cheeks, he knew it was worth it.
the two young teens were quiet for a moment, neither of them really knew what to say. not like they had to say anything. the expressions on their faces said enough.
“anyways, uh, you asked if you could show me something, right?” the curly headed boy broke the silence with his question.
y/n nodded, a soft smile still persisting. stanley’s eyes narrowed as he watched the girl dig into her bag and pulled out a notebook.
the cover of the notebook was a midnight black, smooth and completely perfect, as if brand new. but in the middle of the black, there was a small, square piece of paper with a drawing of a bird on it. stan recognized what it was immediately.
"holy shit," he whispered joyfully, "you still have that?"
y/n laughed softly as she handed the medium sized notebook over to stanley, her fingers brushing against his as she placed it in his grasp.
“i thought i lost it, it kept me going the first two years,” she sat her chin in her palm, “then i hid it, todd would’ve destroyed it if he had found it. sadly i forgot where i hid it,” she continued, pushing some hair behind her ear, “but, one of the officers found it during a investigation i guess, so i asked if i could keep it.”
stanley felt his heartbeat fluctuate. out of everything she could keep, she kept this. the scrapbook that they had made together in the fourth grade. it was full of pictures of the two, drawings of different plants and birds, poems, paintings, and stories the two had shared.
it was a book about them. and she kept it, she protected it, all this time.
he looked up at the girl, seeing that she was looking right back at him.
the rays of the sun streamed onto her hair and skin, giving her a beautiful glow. the water at their feet reflected into her eyes, and a dusty pink trailed across her cheeks and over her nose.
he couldn’t help but smile as her eyes darted back down to the notebook in his fingers, clearly a shy habit.
he watched in awe as she opened the notebook, placing one side in her hand and the other side in stan’s. she begin flipping through the pages of memories, but stanley stopped her when she reached a certain page.
a polaroid picture was taped in the center of the page, a date and description of the event below it.
in the picture was the losers club, in front of an elementary school, all huddled around for the photo. but right in the center was stan and y/n, both a lot younger, their cheeks pressed together with wide smiles spread across their faces. you could tell by the red splotches around y/n's eyes that she had been crying not too long before the photo was taken.
stan smiled at the memory. it was a bittersweet one, but he loved it.
“i remember this. this was the first day of fourth grade,” he spoke, listening as y/n hummed in reply, “you used to hate this picture, you practically begged bill’s mom to get rid of it.” he laughed quietly.
“yeah, yeah whatever. can you really blame me? greta told everyone i had cooties because i hung out with you guys so much!” she too let out a laugh, “no one else would even look at me.”
she cringed at the memory, but still laughed with stan.
“i miss that,” he commented, furrowing his brows as he flipped through more pages and felt the urge to roll his eyes at how stupid they looked in some of the pictures, or how bad some of the drawings were.
“i do too,” y/n exhaled, digging in to her bag once again, “i wanna continue this.”
she beamed, pulling out a polaroid camera. "this, right now, whatever this is- i wanna remember this." she whispered.
stanley smiled at her, he was going to ask her something, but she knew stan all too well, and already knew what he was going to ask.
"it was my mom's. now it's ours."
he liked the sound of that, 'ours'.
"but what about my black eye?" he asked, lifting his finger to point to the dark purple bruise surrounding his eye.
"that," y/n tilted her head, putting film into the camera, "that's one of my favorite things about this. you got that black eye because you wanted to get me flowers, and that's the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me."
it was true. y/n hadn't had much luck the past few years, but stanley made it all worth the while.
"i'd do it again." stan replied.
"plus, you still look cute, even with a black eye." y/n watched as stan's face flushed, and a grin spread from ear to ear.
"now," she boasted, turning her body so that she was leaning into stan, "let's take this picture."
y/n held the camera up infront of the two, and just before she pressed the button, she placed her lips to stanley's cheek.
the camera flashed and out came the photo. the two sat patiently as they waited for the photo develop. once it did, it made both of their hearts flutter.
stan's eyes were clenched shut, an adorable smile on his lips. y/n's eyes were also shut, but her lips were on stanley's cheek, and her hand was holding his jaw. it was a keeper, and quite easily, both of theirs new favorite picture.
this made stanley realize what "this" was. it was them.
"do you maybe wanna," he scratched the back of his neck as he spoke, "i dunno, go out sometime? like a date?"
