Behind These Eyes (Poetry)

Twenty four

I was 10 years old

when I noticed there's a picture in my house

it stays above

as does the person in it

I brushed it off

I didn't say anything

I was 13 years old

I saw it too many times

as I always felt at peace when I was in that room

I didn't know why

So I didn't say anything

Now I am 16 years old

and I'm having every kind of attack ever

while I lay crying uncontrollably

I am kicking

screaming

choking

I can't seem to stop

And I don't know what to call this horribly terrified feeling

but when I wake up the next day

it comes to me

that it's her birthday

I rush down to her

with hot tears already staining my face 

when I finally know what to say

"You left

and I lived

only for you to stay 

in my blood

and in my being

how do I go on

how do I live

when it's not fair to me"

-E