Wrong Time

Chapter 14: When It All Comes Down

·Archer's POV·

Grace is gone again. I have to wait another week for her to return here. When she said she would be leaving, I thought my head was going to explode, looking for ideas to make her change her mind. Finally, I realized I was being selfish, only thinking about what I want: Grace to stay beside me.

I know, I know. This doesn't lead anywhere, but I can't get her out of my head. Maybe it's just a mere infatuation because she's the only person who's been able to see me during all this time and I've missed human contact. However, deep down, I know I would be lying to myself.

She's not just a whim, she's more than that. The amount of attraction I feel towards her can't be explained with words. It's not only her appearance what caught my eye, her personality too. Grace is extremely intelligent, kind and fierce. She won't even hesitate to get things straight, for instance, yesterday. Grace gave me the speech of her life, showing me how childish I was being. Two days ago, I let myself think I was mistaken, that I have might recalled things wrong about my death and that there was a possibility I was still alive. Never get your hopes up, it will only end in disappointment.

That's why I'm extremely concerned about yesterday's incident. Not the fact that Grace and Noah almost got into a fight. She didn't know the revelation would affect him the way it did and my brother is old enough to understand why his behavior was completely inappropriate. No, I wasn't talking about that. I was referring to the kiss.

And may I add, what a kiss.

I always tend to act before thinking. I'm aware of how impossible it is for us to be together, and she takes good care of reminding me every chance she gets. Grace can't deny that there's some kind of chemistry between the two of us. Our lips in sync, my hands on her lower back and neck, hers caressing my cheeks...

Okay pal, cut it. She was being honest when she said: "We aren't in the best situation." Meaning? "I'm alive and you're not."

What she didn't know was that she is the first girl I've ever really liked. None of my past acquaintances were what I was looking for. Sure, I may have flirted and kissed a bunch of girls, but that's all. Grace has become a big part of my life now, and if she decides to leave for good, she'll leave a huge void in it too. Never have I ever felt this impotent. If only I was alive...

I sometimes think about the What Ifs. What if my murderer wouldn't have decided to kill all of us? What if I had behaved properly with my family in the first place? What if I had listened to my brother and tried to stay? Would I be happily married with kids running around the house? Would I be a successful man with a great job?

I guess we will never know and it kills me. My mind always decides to remind me of the things I won't ever have.
A girlfriend, to cherish and protect.
Kids, to raise and love.
A fulfilling job.
More time with my family.
A normal life.

These thoughts seem to weaken me, consuming all my energy. It's not healthy to bottle things up, Gracie told me. Well, overthinking my deathly issues isn't either, and here I am. What am I suppose to do?

See? The reason why I love being around Grace is because she makes me forget about my problems. Those awful jokes and that witty attitude make it difficult to concentrate on anything apart from her. I know I won't ever be one hundred percent happy, but this girl makes my rough days bearable. I will be forever grateful for that. Even her name is a reminder of what she means to me: my saving grace. We never know what the future holds for us, but when she's around, I don't feel the need to know. People would describe her as an angel, and I won't be the one to disagree. When you look at her is like all the good things in this world have combined creating a single and unique human being.

Grace is making me a better man without even noticing. The weakness I felt before is disappearing little by little, making me descry the light at the end of the tunnel. I owe her big time. I promise to help her overcome the darkness and fight by her side when the time comes, as well as respect all her decisions concerning our relationship. I may not agree with some of them, but she's worth it. I can't risk her.

I'm not sure if I'll get to see how the real Heaven looks like, but personally, I feel like I'm already there when Grace is around.

                              *****

A.N: First Archer's POV in the book. Now you know how he feels at this moment, about his situation and Grace. Although this chapter might be shorter than the ones I've been recently writing, I felt like you needed to know a little bit about how Archer's mind works.
Love,
M³