Wrong Time

Chapter 26: The Distance Between Us

·Archer's POV·

Some things were never meant to be. That's what I've been telling myself since last week after Grace left. Instead of trying to make things right, understanding each other's points of view, I subtly kicked her out here.

What an enormous mistake.

I'm obviously scared of what's going to happen to both of us, but I don't let that fear rule every single one of my actions, unlike her. She just comes up with different excuses before storming off whenever she feels the importance of our situation dawn on her.

I can't wrap my mind around the fact that she's infinitely brave facing the darkness and helping me out but when it comes to us, that bravery is replaced by cowardice.

Deep inside I know she's right. Why are we doing this? Odds aren't in our favor, as much as we want them to. However, it seems like we can't be away from the other for too long, emotional pain would eat us alive otherwise. Like at this very moment.

That night I said that I love her out loud (not with the exact words, but still). Some will think that I confessed the truth about my feelings in the heat of the moment. However, my love for this unique, stubborn girl has never been in doubt. No matter what time would I have chosen to tell her, the message will always be the exact same. The time I spend with her is a blessing, talking about our lives, anecdotes, hobbies... And of course, our hopes and dreams. How I wish this situation could be different.

But my subconscious never fails to bring me back to reality. I'm a ghost - stuck between Earth and Heaven- and she is alive -with a bright future ahead of her. Even if I hadn't been murdered, I would be around forty years older than her. Thinking about it makes me shiver. It's not my style, to say the least.

To sum up, we are a lost case.

Anyway, as selfish as it may sound, I can't let her go. No one in their right state of mind would ever, EVER give up on her. I've said it before and I will say it again: she's everything good in this world, all combined. Grace is what any guy out there wants their girlfriend to be: beautiful, super intelligent, brave, kind... You name it.

That doesn't mean she is flawless either. Her strong headed, slightly insecure, too proud self drives me nuts. But that's what being in love is about, isn't it? To accept the one you are closest to for who she/he is, not minding their imperfections.

But sometimes the imperfection is just too important to not care about, like mine. Out of all my characteristic flaws, being not longer alive is the one which stands out. Grace cannot act like it doesn't exist and date me without overthinking it. I do not question her feelings for me, despite being used to her habit of running away. Again, she's not the one to blame. And of course, this time it was my fault.

It was me who wanted her out of there at that moment. I couldn't even look at her, for Lord's sake. And why? Because looking at her hurt like hell. She reminds me of all the things I won't ever get to experience again. And even if I do experience some of them, my condition will always be an obstacle for both of us.

The last thing I want to do is to deprive her of her freedom of choice, even if it means to let her be happy with another man. God, just imagining Grace in love with a random dude kills me, let alone if said dude is Scott.

I won't say I don't understand him for being drawn to Grace, she's something else after all. Nevertheless, it doesn't mean that it doesn't make me jelous for several reasons. One, he has known her for way longer than me. Two, he is a catch (or so I have been told). And three, he can live a long happy life by Grace's side.

Let's forget about that jerk for now, shall we? He can go and get lost for all I care.

Okay, that was pretty harsh Archer.

I can't help it though. He wants to steal my girl away and I won't let him. Don't get me wrong, I trust her - it's him who I don't trust at all.

What it's wrong with me? I'm such a mess. First, I think I will be happy for Grace if she finds a partner who makes her happy. Then, I get overzealous over that same thought. Never in a million years would I have thought that I'd be this protective over a girl.

I need to get my shit together once and for all. Will I stay with her and enjoy the time we have left together? Or will I let her go, hoping she finds happiness in another man?

As I said before, some things were never meant to be, and they never will be. I guess this is one of those things, as hard as it is going to get for me. For both of us.

                             *****

A.N: Hey! I'm finally here again, with a whole chapter about Archer. He's so confused right now. Not as much as Grace, you'll see. But hey! Don't lose hope, we never know what's going to happen.
Love,
M³