Wrong Time

Chapter 39: I'm Sorry

·Grace's POV·

My life has been extraordinary lately, but good things come to an end. Or at least, that's what they say, much to my dismay.

Scott's funeral is starting in about two hours and I still don't know if I'll have what it takes to attend it. Obviously, I know that not showing up will mean a life full of regret. However, it will also ruin me if I go.

So I decide to do what is going to be more painful now and will reduce its intensity as the time goes by: Attending the funeral. If not, that would mean betraying Scott.

After battling internally with myself, I took a black plain dress out of my closet as well as my black heels. I had a shower earlier in the morning, so I just had to iron my hair a bit and put some discrete makeup. I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I saw a girl who has suffered the unexplained during two whole years and is finally free. Nonetheless, she is not one hundred percent happy and she will never be. She lost her essence some days ago, hand in hand with his great and tormented friend. I would never say it out loud, but it felt like someone had torn my heart to shreds.

"I can't do this alone." I whispered to myself, focusing my sight somewhere else while looking for my mobile phone inside my bag. I had Archer's home phone number.

Some seconds later, Noah took it.

"Who is this?" He asked.

"It's Grace, is Archer over there?"

"Of course, my parents wouldn't leave him alone not even for a second. He sure will be happy to talk to you."

"I need to ask him something."

"Got it. Archer, it's Grace!" Noah then shouted.

I kind of heard Archer sprinting to where the phone was located.

"Hey there, love."

"Hi..."

"What's wrong?"

"I'm going to ask you to do something for me. You can say no, I will understand."

"Shoot."

"Will you come with me to Scott's funeral? I need all the support I can get, and you are my obvious choice."

"I'll ask Noah to drive me there. We will arrive in around an hour and a half or so. You have me Grace, for everything. Even if I still think Scott was kind of a douche some times, I'm aware of how much he meant to you. That's enough for me."

"Thank you, I mean it."

"I better get going. We will be late otherwise."

"Okay, love you."

"Love you too."

I hang up the phone and sent Noah my address, preventing them from getting lost. Next, I sat on my bed and started waiting for Archer, feeling sorry for myself in the process.

                                  ***

As soon as I heard a car pull over, I went outside right away. The mass was starting in five minutes, we better run - although it's pretty difficult wearing heels.

Seeing me waiting for them, they approached the place where I was standing.

"I'm sorry for your loss." Noah started.

"I wish it could all have turned out to be different for him."

Archer just stood there, silent. He didn't get along very well with Scott, and so he prefered to not say anything rather than lie and be a hypocrite. Talking about hypocrites, I wonder how many people from high school will show up today.

Archer took my hand and we both started walking towards the local graveyard.

"I'm still not sure if I can do this, Archer..." I confessed to him, tears pricking my eyes, ready to flow.

"Love, you are way stronger than you imagine. Give yourself some credit! Moreover, this was your friend we are talking about. You need to do it."

I nodded, not being able to mutter a single word.

We bought a white rose each at the nearest flower shop to put it on top of Scott's grave. This is going to be so hard. It gets even harder when I see that the mass has already started and the only people from school I see are Katie, Toli, Roland, Isaac and some of Scott's old teammates. That's all. Not even the crazy, conceited  and obsessive excuse of a queen bee, commonly known as Lacey, is here.

It saddens me, how a boy as kind, generous and popular as Scott was surrounded by so many fake people who didn't even show up to his funeral. However, not as fake as his own father. The fucking arse only paid for his son's funeral, but didn't come to it. He must be getting drunk at some bar near their house, wasting Scott's University money worth in whiskey.

Asshole.

"Scott was a young boy full of life-" The priest said. Oh boy, if only you knew what a lie that is. "-and full of love to share. He was..." My mind disconnected after that sentence. I was so sick of hearing lies about what my friend used to feel like, how he used to be, his achievements,... So my mind went blank.

Said priest ordered us to put our flowers on top of the grave some minutes later and when it was Archer and I's turn, my friends stopped to look at us. Let's just say they all went wide eyed. It was the first they've seen him after all.

The ceremony was total bullshit in the end, to say the least. Why would someone talk about the deceased person when he barely knew him?

I'm giving my own speech, something to give him the farewell he deserves. When the priest and the rest of the people started to leave, I told my friends and Archer not to wait for me, because I wanted to be near my friend for one last time, even though he was six feet under by then. They all seemed to understand and left.

"Scott..." I touched the engraved stone in front of me. "I'm so, so, sorry."

Silence followed my words.

"No one did ever deserve you, not even me. You went through the unimaginable, losing your mom when you were a kid, struggling with your alcoholic father, helping pay the bills... You did everything you were supposed to do and more, my friend. But nobody would ever say that to your face. Nobody would recognize the effort you were making to build a better future for yourself. A future you wanted me in, as a love interest. You once told me I had brought light into your miserable life. Scott, it was the other way around. You would make me laugh just by sending me looks all across the hallway, you would stay up until late at night talking to me through the phone, you reassured me every single morning after having one of my nightmares. The list of things you have done for me during all of these years is endless. I tried to return the favors anytime I could, but it simply wasn't enough. You needed someone to look after you for the first time in your life. Deep inside you knew that you didn't want to be someone's saviour, you wanted to be saved. Saved from your shitty life, saved from the pain, saved from rejection. I couldn't do that. I should have, and I couldn't. I was too immersed in my own problems to notice you were breaking little by little. I broke you completely and irreparably, Scott. I broke you."

I was sobbing uncontrollably by now, leaning over the stone, face buried in my hands. I touched Scott's engraved name with my shaky hands and concluded:

"Alongside you, a part of me died that day too. My friend, my brother. You've taken a piece of my heart to wherever you are now. That's my pound of flesh, in order to pay off my debt for shattering yours. If you can hear me-" I pleaded, looking up to the gray sky. "-remember what I promised you. I'll never forget you. Because I love you so dearly, my old friend."

I then stood up again,  turning around and focusing on the path ahead of me. The sky was completely gray by now and droplets of freezing water were starting to make contact with my exposed skin, making me shiver. I couldn't say goodbye just yet, so I turned my head and looked one last time to the grave which will haunt me forever.

My last words to my long gone friend were again:

"I'm sorry."

                               *****

A.N: Okay, emotional wreck over here guys. I feel like I hit rock bottom alongside Grace, I swear. Hope you have another perspective of Scott now.
Love,
M³