Dragon Age One Shots

Carwash, Cullen & Delrin

Straddling on his haunches, Cullen doused the soppy sponge in the bucket and began to dig into the wheel rims. Black water ran off the gleaming chrome for his efforts, bringing a smile to his lips. He reached for another rinsing, when water droplets splattered onto his head.

"Hey! You're drowning me here!" he shouted.

"Sorry," Delrin answered from the other side of the car, though his tone belied any sincerity.

Grumbling, Cullen rose to begin excising all the bugs splattered against the bumper and grill. Maker's breath, did she drive through an entomologist preserve to get here? With one hand holding onto the bumper for ballast, he scrubbed harder with the sponge. His legs splayed out, Cullen bent at the waist as he fully focused on scrubbing the insect carcasses off.

Freezing water splattered against his ass cheeks, the force of the stream finding its way to soak clear through both shorts and underwear. Whipping his head around, he glared at the man he foolishly entrusted with the hose. Delrin barely bothered to turn away, his cheeks reddening upon being caught even as he shrugged.

"What? It was tempting."

"That so?" Cullen growled, his hand dropping to the sudsy bucket.

"Yeah..." Barris wasn't backing down, the hose nozzle drifting back towards Cullen's center of mass.

"I see," Cullen dipped his head down as if in thought, when he suddenly launched the soapy sponge at Delrin's head. The man fumbled backwards, trying to swat at it with the hose. Thinking fast, Cullen launched off the pavement and rolled over the car's hood. It squeaked from his naked skin gliding over the polished surface until he landed barefoot onto the pavement.

"You'll pay for that!" Delrin cried, the green hose whipping around like an angry python. Cullen twisted fast on his heel, yanking up the second hose. Rolling on his side through the grass, he planted a knee, opened up the pressure, and sprayed an unending stream at the man about to fire.

Delrin stumbled back, sputtering as more well water splattered up his nose and into his mouth. Chuckling, Cullen turned his aim downward, the glistening water striking every inch of his shirtless body. At the thighs, Cullen aimed back upwards, giving two last shots against Delrin's chest as a warning.

"How could you?!" he cried as if Cullen deeply wronged him.

"You got me in the ass!"

"I suppose I did," he mused to himself before yanking the hose up and laying waste onto the man knee down on the ground. He hadn't been ready for it, Cullen fumbling back as he scrabbled to get to his feet. Delrin's stream kept Cullen running backwards, even as he cranked on his.

Both men sprayed a hard force against the other, drenching them until their shorts clung tight to their bodies. It was a stalemate. As long as the other had a hose, neither could win. Hm. Glancing down Cullen caught both green lines twisting together. One was his, the other's Barris'. If he kinked the right one, he could win this. But which was which?

"Maker damn it!" Cullen cried, stale water spraying up his nose. Shaking his wet curls like a vengeful dog, he glared upon his opponent. Only one way to know. Stomping his foot down hard, Cullen snaked his hose around to point directly at Delrin's face.

Both stared at each other, the water dripping silently off their bodies while they weighed up what to do.

"One."

"Two," Delrin said, his lips pursing in thought.

"Three!"

They fired, water erupting from the lines, but whose was kinked? Who would dry while the other soaked? Cullen snickered, watching Delrin fall back, when he felt the worst possible outcome in his grip. Pressure in his hose began to fail, the nozzle petering out to a drip. Damn it! He guessed wrong.

Cullen moved to lift his foot, when a strong hand grabbed onto his shoulder. Barris' face hovered an inch from his, those green eyes sparkling as he realized the man's mistake. The round hose nozzle pressed against Cullen's hot skin, Barris' licking his lips in anticipation. "Sorry, Ser," he said, his hand squeezing the handle tighter.

"Hey!" a voice drew them to the door. She leaped down off the porch and crossed her arms over her chest. "What are you two doing? I thought you were going to wash the car, not each other."

Delrin's mischievous green eye caught in Cullen's and he nodded in agreement.

"One."

"Two."

Both men swung apart, their hoses aimed at the woman just realizing her fatal mistake. "Three!" they shouted simultaneously, drenching her from head to toe. She screamed, twisting aside to try to avoid the water suckering her clothes tight to her body -- hands splayed out as if that might help protect her.

As they shut off their hoses, she stared down in horror at her drenched body. "How dare you?!" she shouted, thunder striking from her eyes. Delrin and Cullen glanced to each other, uncertain what to do. Lightning fast, she ran for the bucket, plucked it into the air, and threw the entire contents at the pair of them.

"This means war!"