Alistair has to be King but knows he's going to be awful with the nobility, so he hires Zevran as his butler. Everyone gives massive side-eye to an elf with such a lofted and vital profession in the monarchy...until the loudest voices against the reign of King Alistair wind up floating in the Waking Sea.
It's impossible for any Crows to get close to the throne of Ferelden as that could start a major war. And no King goes anywhere without his trusty butler so the pair are safe to travel without worry. Once a week Alistair and Zev vanish for a game of Wicked Grace down at the taverns where the King always loses his boots to the wily butler.
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Zevran: Does his most majestic require the services of his butler in removing his boots?
Alistair: Ha! I bet that's how my bastard ass came into being.
Zevran: Well, I doubt we could create a new life, but it wouldn't be for want of trying.
Alistair *blushes himself to death*
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Zev: *swearing in Antivan* To the pyre with you!
Alistair *pokes his head in*: What's going on? I haven't heard this much cursing since Oghren's stew night.
Zev: I am attempting to place this blighted button upon your trousers, but it is impossible! *hurls Ali's pants to the ground in defeat* My only marketable skills lie in death and the application to people's kidneys.
Alistair *leans in to grab Zev's hand*: That's not even remotely true and you know it. *Zev's eyes drift to him and he panics* *yanks his hand back to tug on his hair* I mean, um, no one makes rude innuendo that causes the Grand Cleric to burst into flames like you.
Zevran: Hm, I should try my new material out on you, my liege.
Alistair *chuckles nervously and trips on his own pants*
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Zevran: Alistair, your sheets are awful.
Alistair: Excuse me?
Zevran: What are these made of? Burlap? They've ripped my soft, buttery skin raw.
Alistair: I see how it is. I invite you to my bed and all you can do is put down my sheets.
Zevran: So we are operating under the delusion that it was you who talked me into bed. Very well, I can play along. Shall we do desire demon and fallen Brother next?
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Dragon Age One Shots
FanficI've been adding lots of short stories to Tumblr recently and wanted a chance to share them here for anyone who doesn't have tumblr, or hates reading there. Here come all the Dragon Age one shots!
