Bands imagines.

Josh Balz

A giggle escaped my mouth at the movie on the tv, then I looked up at Josh and saw him smiling at me. I felt my cheeks go hot and I quickly looked away from him, back to the movie we’ve been watching. I sat comfortably on the couch very close next to him, my head rested on his shoulder, and his right arm wrapped around me. Today has been a very unproductive day, and Josh and I haven’t even changed out of our pajamas.

Just over halfway through the movie, I felt Josh’s hand fall on my bare thigh, due to me only wearing a pair of gym shorts. I glanced down at his hand as his thumb began to rub circles on my skin, inching closer to the inside of my thigh. I quickly looked back up at the movie, just trying to ignore him and hoped he would stop as my heart began to beat faster. When his hand nearly slipped under the fabric of my shorts, I grabbed his hand and pulled it back. “No,” I said, quickly becoming nervous and scared. After I let go of his hand, still not looking at him, I could feel the look he was giving me as he placed his hand back in my thigh. “Why?” He asked me, a playful tone in his voice. When he started to rub his hand up and down my thigh, I became even more nervous. “Stop it, Josh, I don’t want to.” I told him, speaking a lot quicker than normal. He made a sigh of anger and grabbed the remote, then paused the movie. My heart jolted in my chest as he stood up from the couch and looked down at me. “Why don’t you want to? We’ve been together for 6 months, and I’ve given you so much time!, don’t you think it’s about time that we can actually do something intimate?” He yelled at me. I only gulped, staring up at him, nothing but anger on his face. “I love you so much that I’ve given you the time to think about this when you’ve said that you like to take things slow. With my ex-girlfriends, it would be a fuck on the second date, not in the 6th month!” He yelled at me, and I cringed at his anger. I had no idea what to say. His words hurt when he mentioned his exes. The words that went through my head were, ‘Well, I’m sorry I’m not a slut like the rest of them.’ I just couldn’t tell him the truth…

“Do you not truly love me like I love you?! Please tell me now, because I don’t want to continue to waste my time.” He yelled at me. I stood up then, my heart wrenching in my chest at his words. “Of course I love you, Joshua!” I exclaimed, desperation in my voice. I felt the pain in my throat as I held back the tears. It was getting harder and harder by the second to not tell him. “Then why won’t you take things further with me?!” He yelled. I couldn’t not hesitate an answer. I’m not ready to tell him… I had never planned to tell him.

“Why not?!” He yelled as I hesitated an answer. “Don’t yell at me!” I screamed at him, tears coming to my eyes. He stayed silent and waited for an answer, but I knew he was still angry. “Because I’m a virgin, Josh!” I said to him, my voice raised, but not yelling. More tears formed in my eyes and threatened to spill. He looked surprised and the anger in his face immediately softened. “I’m a virgin, Josh. That’s why. I’ve been scared. I love you, and I do want to go further with you, but I’m scared.” I told him, two tears making their way down my cheeks.

“(Y/N)… I-I’m sorry..why didn’t you tell me earlier?” He said, stepping closer to me.

“Because I was afraid that you’d leave me because you didn’t want to deal with a girl that’s a virgin. I was scared that you would push me into something that I didn’t want.” I told him, my voice breaking as more tears made their way down my cheeks. He quickly embraced me, his arms wrapping tightly around my body.

“I would never leave you, just because you’re not ready yet, and I would never have sex with you without your consent.” He told me as I slowly wrapped my arms around him. I just stayed silent, letting my tears fall on his shoulder, even though I was trying to stop crying.

Slowly, I rested my head on his shoulder as he still held me after I stopped crying. “I’m so sorry.” He told me, the sadness in his voice making my heart swell, but not in the good way. “It’s okay.” I mumbled into his shirt, then gently squeezed him and held him tighter.

After holding each other for another minute, we pulled back. Josh’s hands rubbed up my back, then he placed them on my cheeks. “I love you. I’m sorry.” He told me while leaning in to kiss me. I slightly leaned in too, and when his lips met mine, I couldn’t be any more comfortable.