The Chef | Alyanna

Kabanata 7

"Bakit hindi ka pa rin ba nagtatanda ha Alyanna! Isa ka talagang malaking sakit sa ulo namin ng mommy mo!" Kitang kita ko ang mga litid ni dad na unti unti ng lumabas sa leeg niya.

Napayuko na lang ako habang nakaupo sa sofa namin sa salas. I just got home from school and ito pa ang bungad nila sa'kin. Being stressed for the past days and now the sermons from my parents didn't made me feel good at all. It just worsen what I felt.

"I told you to stop that fancy dream of yours! Ikaw ang mag mamanage ng kompanya ko! Ikaw lang ang mag-iisang anak ko! Bakit ba naman kasi naging babae ka pa!"

Pinagsisipa nito ang mga gamit sa harapan niya habang ako'y unti unti ng umiiyak. Lagi na lang ganito. I'm tired of always listening to them. Why can't they listen to what I want? Bakit palagi na lang sila? I can't even reach my dreams, the things I want because I'm caged to their hands. Sakal na sakal na ako. I'm fucking tired of having this life. I grew up in a wealthy family pero kahit kailan hindi ko naramdaman ang pagmamahal nila. I'm suffocated. I want to breath freely. I want to get out to their grasp. Pagod na ako. Pagod na pagod.

"That's it! Itutuloy ko na ang kasal mo sa anak ng isa kong kumpare."

Mabilis naman akong napaangat ng tingin doon at napatayo. "What?! No! You can't do this to me dad! Ayaw ko po!" I really don't want to. Sa isang lalaki ko lamang gusto magpakasal. Not with a stranger!

"You can't say no! And it's final! Pagkatapos na pagkatapos ng kasal niyo, pupunta kayo kaagad sa amerika. My friend's son's business is there kaya doon kayo maninirahan. You'll continue your business management course—"

Fuck no! I'd rather die than leave this country nor marry a stranger! My only happiness is in here! Nandito ang mga taong tinuring ako na parang tunay na pamilya! Why are they so unfair with me?! Bakit ako na lang palagi?!

"No, dad! I'd rather die than follow your stupid orders!"

Nanlaki ang mga namumula niyang mata at akmang sasampalin ako pero mabilis akong naka iwas at tumakbo papuntang kwarto. When I reached my room, I immediately locked the door at pumunta sa banyo.

I sat at the tiles then cried myself out there. I can hear dad's roaring voice pero wala na akong pake doon. I just want to stop this. Everything. Please make it disappear. Lahat lahat ng mga sakit. Please... ayoko na...

Then I remember the knife that I used to carry inside my room dahil nanakawan kami noon. It traumatized me to the point that I brought different knives inside my room pero isa lang ang nakalusot sa mga mata ng mga tagabantay ko. I immediately stood up and went for the drawer dito sa banyo. I opened it and saw a small silver knife. It's glistening. It looks like it's calling my name...

I grabbed it and then sat inside the bathtub. I closed my eyes as tears polled down it. I'm sorry, Storm, Venille, Sandra and Nessa. I hope that you'll remember how much I loved you all. I opened my eyes as I felt the sharp knife slowly tearing my flesh. Iniwanan ko ng malalim na hiwa ang pulso ko sa kamay bago ko binitawan ang kutsilyo. Sumandal ako sa bathtub. I can already feel my consciousness slowly draining. Pagod na ako. I want to sleep already. Sa sobrang manhid na ng nararamdaman ko kahit ang malalim na sugat na iniwan ko'y di ko na maramdaman.

As I closed my eyes, I heard a loud banging outside my room. But I was to weak para bigyan iyon ng pansin. At sa huli kong hininga, I saw his smile that made my heart beat for the past years kahit na wala na siya dito. I can't help but feel happy for the last time as I caught my last breathe...

Napabangon ako sa kama ko at napaupo na lamang habang hinahabol ang hininga ko. What was that? Is that a dream? Or a memory? Bakit ganoon... bakit ako nagpakamatay?

Then I looked at my wrist. Ngayon ko lang nakitang mabuti, their is a faint scar sa pulso ko. Hindi iyon visible kung hindi ko titingnan ng maayos. It was real. Isa iyong ala-ala ko noon.

"Mama? Ba't pa po kayo gising?" A small voice woke me up from my reverie. Doon ko lang naalala na kasama ko na pala ngayon ang kambal. Kanina lang silang hapon nakarating thanks to the girls. I already introduced Phoenix and Phoebe to them.

Naramdaman ko ang pawis ko sa noo na kanina pa namumuo dahil sa panaginip o ala-ala ko kaya't pinahid ko ito gamit ng kamay ko bago tiningnan si Phoenix na humihikab pa habang tumitingin sa'kin.

I smiled at him bago ako humiga ulit. Napapagitnaan namin si Phoebe na tulog na tulog pa rin.

"Wala baby, tulog ka na ulit. Kuluha lang ng tubig si mama." I whispered to him.

Hindi na siya nagtanong at tumango na lang habang unti-unting bumalik sa pagkakahiga at natulog na ulit.

Hindi ko mapigilang mapagmasdan si Phoenix. Somehow, he resembled someone from that memory I just dreamt of. They looked really alike. Hindi ko pa man natatandaan, I have a feeling that he's the father of my child. It wasn't really a clear face. But I know that he is really that man. I felt it. Inside my heart. With or without memories, my heart beats frantically at him at hindi ko alam kung bakit.

STONE MIKAELSON