near and far | hemmings

Chapter 19.

~F~

 "Hey Dylan" I smile warmly at the red haired girl coming up beside me.

"Hola Finn, how is my best friend doing today?" 

"Fine, how are you? Excited for our two days of school?" I ask, referring to the end of senior our year.

"Yep! Charlie and I are going out for dinner on Friday, if you wanna make it a double date I could hook you up with that kid Shaun." She reminds me. Dylan has made it her life mission to try and hook me up, even though I don't date and everyone knows that. 

"C'mon, you know I don't date anymore. I have some plans with Rosie and Seth. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine." I try to reassure my friend. Walking up to our lockers, we both grab our books and make our separate ways to class. 

Usually I enjoy most of my classes and classmates, but first period was the absolute worst - English. I don't know how people make it look easy. It's almost impossible for me to try and write anything good without it being related to my past. 

Oh the past, someplace where things were good, but all good things come to an end. 'Nothing gold can stay', I never realized the meaning or weight underneath that quote until now. I'm not mad about everything that happened back in , I just hate the fact that Luke and I never really were together. Sure, the first months were okay, but it just got to be too much...or not enough. 

Plus, he's doing amazing now. When he told me he was moving back to Australia to visit is sick Nanna, I never thought he would want to stay. Luke used to go on for hours about how Australia wasn't as good as it was all cracked up to be, I guess he was trying to convince me that he liked living in the states. Clearly, that wasn't the case. 

The most surprising thing about all of this is the band. There are three other boys besides Luke-Ashton, Michael, and Calvin or something. They're doing very well for themselves, they even have a little fandom- The 5SOS Fam. Most of the fans are beautiful girls who would give anything for a minute  with my ex-boyfriend, I wasted the time I had with him and I hate myself for that sometimes. But that chapter of my life is closed. 

"Hey Finley." I hear from next to me. 
"Hi Anna, how're you?" I ask quietly, trying to listen to the lecture going on in the front.
"Fine thanks" She smiles warmly.

Listening to the lecture was a harder task than anticipated, I was struggling to keep my eyes open and brain functioning. Giving up on the fight between rest and education (even though I was basically done here), I slip my earbuds into my ears, covering the wires with my long hair and begin to get lost in the piano version of 'American Idiot'. Hearing the notes and the beat of the music made me feel at ease immediately. Sometimes I'm so used to feeling uncomfortable in public places, it begins to feel comfortable...if that makes sense. I scan the room, trying to photograph everyones face into my memory, a useless task considering I hardly know anyone besides the few girls who I say hello to every day. 

Even though it makes me sound like such a sad excuse for a person, I don't have many friends and I am completely fine with it. I've diagnosed myself as an introvert and that is completely fine by me, it actually shed some light on my life, giving a reason to some of my awkward or timid habits. 

All of a sudden, American Idiot cut out and the piano version of Anthem Part 2 by All Time Low came on...Luke. I remember the last time he visited, he was chasing me around the house trying to get me to start an air band with him. When he finally caught me (I'm not very fast and the sock/hardwood floor combo didnt help either), we jumped on my bed rocking out and banging our heads in the air until we had migraines. I couldn't help but smile, he's such a good person I can't believe he's real sometimes. Last I heard, there were rumors about him and some famous girl dating, which I wouldn't doubt because from the pictures on twitter she looked gorgeous. God, I'm some obsessive creep. But, although I occasionally stalk them, I haven't been able to bring myself to listen to their music. I don't know whether it was the fact that he would sing me to sleep and it felt too intimate or that he never shared that he wanted something to come out of his musical talents. 

Anyway, it's too late for us. I've already cleared all memories, pictures, texts, his phone number. Well, I tried too at least, there's a box in the back of my closet with the clothes, cds, writings, and at the very very bottom on a little piece of paper is his phone number, which I highly doubt is still in service since he probably has gotten a new one. 

The high, sharp shrill of the bell cuts through my music like a knife. Thinking about him just makes me miss him and I can't miss him because I'm the reason he's gone. 

"Hey, are you coming?" Anna says, standing over my desk with her head cocked to the side.

"You know, I just dont really feel good I think I might just go home and lie down" I sigh, pushing my hair out of my face. Hell, I could stay home today and tomorrow and everything would be fine because I wasn't planning on walking at graduation anyway, I'd rather just get my diploma in the mail.

Walking out of the school after signing myself out for the day, I climb into my car and drive away awaiting my warm bed and leftover mac and cheese in the fridge. My life is so exciting I can't believe I dont have my own tv show.