Friday Night Dinner

S2:E2 Mr Morris

I was in the dining room laying the table when I heard the front door open, and Adam and Martin talking. Jonny came in with a jug of water.

"Pusface is here" he told me, putting it down on the table.

"Yeah, I heard. Is your dad still going on about his bloody fossils?"

"I think so"

"Why can't you tell him that just because I studied ancient history for my A-Levels, doesn't mean I know everything about fossils!" I groaned, and Jonny laughed.

"Is Grandma coming?" Adam asked, popping his head round the dining room door.

"Hi Katie. Is Grandma coming?" he asked us.

"Oh, she's coming all right, and you'll never guess who with" Jonny told him, walking past him towards the kitchen.

"How do I know who Grandma's coming with? Hi Mum"

"Hi bobble" Jackie kissed him, and I leant next to Jonny who had found the squirty cream.

"You don't mean?"

"Her new boyfriend!"

"Oh, my God. We're going to meet Grandma's new boyfriend" he said, high-fiving Jonny.

"I told you, Mr Morris is not her boyfriend, he's a..."

"Male companion" Jonny and Adam said at the same time as Jackie.

"Male prostitute" Jonny commented.

"Stop it!"

"Jackie, I found a trilobite!" Martin said, coming into the kitchen.

"Mazel tov" Jackie said.

"When are they getting here?" I asked Jackie, trying to avoid being questioned by Martin about his fossils.

"Good question, they were meant to be here about..." she stopped, staring at Martin. "Martin, you do know that's butter you're eating?"

"What?"

"They're cubes of butter!"

"Oh, I thought it was cheese" he said, but continued to eat it anyway.

"Put a top on, Mr Morris really won't want to see your hairy udders"

"Well, he see's Grandma's" Jonny added and I slapped him on the arm.

"Very nice"

"God, Grandma with a man. Ugh" Adam exclaimed.

"Yeah, ugh" Jonny also exclaimed.

"What do you mean 'ugh'" Jackie asked them.

"Yeah, what's wrong with your Grandma going with men?" Martin added.

"Oh, lovely way of putting it" Jackie scolded.

"Well, she obviously went with a man to form you"

"Nice image"

"Thank you, Martin," she said, leaving the kitchen annoyed.

"Tastes like cheese" Martin told us, looking at another cube of butter. Jonny jumped down from the counter, and we left the kitchen and followed Jackie back into the dining room.

"Sorry Mum" Adam said first.

"It's all right. It's just since Grandad died, I've never seen mum with another man" she told us.

"I'm sure he'll be really nice" I comforted her.

"Yeah" Jonny agreed.

"You think so?"