Thanks to you ~ A Jack Barakat Fanfiction

Is this the end of us?

I woke up and saw Jack was already out of the room, leaving me alone with Steven. Steadying myself, I sat up at the end of the bed, pulling his small bed over, so that I could look at his face. By the time I woke up it has already turned blue. He lied there motionless, making me want to scoop him up in my arms, and give him my life.
Soon I heard the door open and Jack came in, with a cup of coffee for me. Thanking him silently I started sipping on my coffee, never tearing my gaze away from the small boy.

A week later

I was sitting on the kitchen counter, drinking my third bottle of Jacky within a day. With every gulp I took, the pain became more bearable. As I jumped off the kitchen counter, I stumbled forward, leaning against the counter right in front of me. Once I regained my balance, I took the pack of cigarettes that lied in front of me and went to the balcony, leaning against the fence, to get a halt. I started giggling as the first few glimps started to fall down to the ground and leaned against a wall near the glass door.
Jack and I haven't really talked ever since that night, which made this whole event even less bearable for me. Both of us would only see each other if we had to eat or drink. And drinking contained mostly alcoholic beverages. I yawned and tried to remember the last time I slept without having a panic or anxiety attack. Or when I was last sober.
Which was probably a while ago. I sighed and took another long drag of my cig, leaving the smoke in my lungs for a long time, before exhaling it slowly.
Running my free hand through my hair, I stared into the distance, which wasn't really clear, due to me not wearing glasses or contacts. After throwing my cigarette away, I dried tears that were about to fall down, turning around and walking inside again.
As I looked around the living room, my eyes fell upon one of the latest issues of Kerrang.
I grabbed it, knowing it'd destroy me even more, and searched for the latest All Time Low interview. My eyes skipped towards the part, where Jack was being asked questions, as my heart started aching once again.
Interviewer: So Jack, you and your fiance just announced you are getting a baby?
Jack: Yes, Jay is 5months into pregnancy, and I'm really excited to have the baby
Interviewer: That's so amazing! I mean, we already know that Zack and Alice have a child, and now you too. What was it for a feeling to know that you're going to be father?
Jack: To be honest, at first I was shocked, and for a second I thought I wouldn't be able to make it, but with every passing day I know I'm going to be an amazing father, and my child is going to have an amazing childhood.

I couldn't read any further, since tears were blocking my sight, as I threw the magazine onto the table and sobbed into my hands. I heard the floor creak, looking up to see Jack standing in the room.
He barely noticed me, his eyes red and tired. All of his features filled with so much sadness, it started making me feel sad once again.
I opened my mouth to speak, but no words would come out. As Jack sent me a quick glance, he turned around and walked out, making my heart drop and me lean back into the sofa. I starred into nothing, as I heard Jack crumble in the kitchen, getting out a glass.
He came back soon again and pushed a glass of water with advils in my hand, making me frown at him.
“You need to sober up again” He said, his voice sounding raspy. I sighed and agreed, not seeing a reason why I should argue. I felt him take the bottle of Jack out of my grip, as my hands longingly looked after him, as I slowly took in the pills. I swallowed them with a few gulps of water, making me cringe ever so slightly.
“Jack I don't want to do this” I said through teary eyes. Jack looked confused at me, frowning.
“Do what?” he asked, his voice sounding extremely exhausted.
“Disappointing you … Everyone” I said, looking up at him.
His face was full of emotions, of which I couldn't even read one.
“Why do you think you're disappointing me?” He asked, his face full of hurt. I frowned and made place on the sofa, so he could sit down.
“I do nothing but hurt you in any way possible. You are so carrying and I don't even care that you lost your child as well. All I care about is my pain. I'm meant to help you as well. But all I do is grieve in my own pain and ignore your feelings” I said, my voice sounding as if I was about to cry.
“Jay calm down and look at me” Jack demanded, taking my face into his hands “I love you, no matter what. I promised you I'd stay with you, no matter what. You are my life, and we are going through this together. Of course it's harder for you, you were carrying him. But Jay believe me, this won't change anything, I will always love you, so don't say you're ignoring my feelings. I've been ignoring yours. I was acting cold towards you for the past week, when I should have helped you instead of letting the bottle taking care of you. Now come on and get into bed. You need to get sober, and I think sleep is just the right think for you now”
And with that he pulled me up and helped me into our bedroom, putting the covers over me and letting me sleep for a few hours.