Thanks to you ~ A Jack Barakat Fanfiction

Epilogue: I believe, if you go my heart would break just hold on one more day

“Hello everybody who's gathered in here today. I'm thankful for everybody who decided to join me today, and help me through this day” I start, feeling tears fall down my cheeks as my hands start to shake. “As you all know we are gathered here today to say goodbye to our beloved friend, sister, daughter, wife” I sobbed “and mother” I finish my sentence, looking over the small chapel. I look into the front row, to see our twins, Laura Alice and Alexander Robert, and our youngest son, William Stephen. Next to them sit their aunts. Behind them their uncles, and from then on my parents, Jay's parents and other family members or friends.

My hands form into fists once again, as I think about how I have to continue my speech.

“J-Jay has been a big part of my life. She's been the most important person in my life, besides our children. I cannot believe that she was taken away from me at the age of only 46. She had so much more to live for. We still had our whole future ahead. We haven't been able to experience how it is to see our grandchildren. It's now my job to look after them. And we must all agree, I won't be too good at that... But I remember on our wedding day she said that I would be putting her together like a puzzle, and all I can hope for is that I was able to put her together, before she died” I continue, my voice shaking and breaking several times. It is hard to believe that she is actually gone now.

I keep looking behind me, seeing her lie in her dark brown coffin.

My whole body is shaking with sobs as I break down again.

I feel the hands of my daughter on my back, as she's crouching down next to me, holding me in her arms.

“It's okay dad. Go, sit next to Alex and Will. They need you” She says as calm as she can, making me nod. She kisses my cheek, as I walk down to my sons, leaving her in front of her dead mothers body. I look at my 19year old daughter, who so much reminds me of my wife. She has the same green eyes and brown hair. Her facial structure was the same, and the way she talks is also the same.

“I feel like since mom is gone, a big part is missing in our family. Even though Alex and I should be at uni at the moment, we cannot afford leaving our family break. We know that at such hard times it's good to know that we have such a big community that is there for us, even when we are not able to be there for ourselves. If I say that we're strong enough and we can just live further, I would be lying. This has thrown our family back, and I don't want to imagine how many hard months will come for us. Months in that Alex and I will have to keep the sadness and the learning separated. Months, in that dad won't be able to tour with our uncles. Months, in that Will won't be able to go to school because the unbelievable depression will drag him down. Months, in that our whole fucking family, including dads band, my aunts, my uncles, EVERYBODY won't be able to continue life like it was! Just because of that fucking truck driver, who wasn't able to keep his eyes open. WE ALL SUFFER” she starts to scream, making me break down even more. I knew some day she would die, but I was hoping for the day to be in many years only. I hear heels clicking on the concrete floor, and through my blurry vision I see Alice helping Laura down, as Austin takes her place.

“Normally, I would apologize for such a behaviour of my niece. But I understand her. I know what it feels like to lose your mother. And I can only imagine how heart breaking it must be for a 19year old teenage girl to cope with the fact that your mother is lying dead in front of you, and you cannot change places with her. All I have to add to either Jack or Laura is that, she will be missed. But she will never be forgotten about. She will always have a special place in our hearts. I hope that while she's in heaven, she's able to keep my mother company. I have no idea how I should continue living without one of my best friends by my side. But I'm glad I was able to say that she was one of my best friends. She has had so much more to give us, but now she can't. But everything she has given us” he says, looking towards our three children “will be cherished. We will keep an eye on it just the way she would want us to do it. We will help Jack to stick through this. We will help Laura Alice, Alexander Robert and William Stephen to grow up. I will make sure that they will have several alternative mothers. And I know each of them already loves them like their daughters. But I also do know, that they won't be able to take the role of their actual mothers. Jay, you will be missed. We all love you so damn fucking much. And we will see you soon... Just wait for us” Austin finishes, leaving everybody in tears. He is barely able to hold back his own tears.

Everybody stands up and is surrounding Jay's coffin, watching as they close it.

I take one final look at the perfect face of my wife, remembering all the perfect memories she had given me.

And all I could think of was that I loved her so damn much.

Jay's POV

I look down at the ceremony and feel my heart breaking. But at the same time, I'm cursing at Jack.

As I look at myself in the coffin, I see the bruises on my face and neck that are visible. My lip is split and I have a massive black eye.

The truck has gotten me pretty badly...

But I have better things to concentrate on. For example my daughter being strong enough to get her dad off the front and taking his place.

I hate how I can not help them, and tell them that everything is fine. It's even more than fine.

I'm in heaven. All the times I had been worrying whether I'd get into heaven or not, were so meaningless.

I have met so many people who I lost throughout my life, and who I knew had left life way too early. And so it happened, that I did stumble upon Austin's mother. She took care of me, told me how life goes on in the afterlife.

The person who I have met up here, that has made me cry though was Chiara, the All Time Low fan that I have met a few times by now.

I was wondering why I wouldn't see her on the last tours, and now it all dawned onto me. She died in a car accident as well, as she was driving with friends to a party.

It broke my heart to see the 20year old girl talking about how much she has left out of life, and made me feel guilty of how I had so many more years to live than her, and still wanted more.

But back to the present. I am not in my 23year old body, looking down the 46year old version of me, and the 47year old version of Jack. After his speech I realized, that he put the puzzle together a long time ago. After the birth of Will.

It broke my heart to see Will sitting there emotionless, looking at my coffin. He is young. Too young to lose his mother. He's only 16years of age.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and look up to see Mitch smiling at me.

“It's never a good thing to watch your own funeral. Especially the part where they put you six feet under” He says smiling weakly.

I nod and run a hand through my hair.

“Is he going to get a new mate?” I ask him.

“Probably not. Jack loves you, more than you can imagine. He won't be able to get somebody he is kind of forced to love in the end. You were his big love. You were his mate. There won't be another girl nor boy for him. You were the love of his life” He says, making me nod.

“I guess” I say, as the scene of my funeral slowly fades out and we return to heaven.

“Now, how would you like to see your wedding again to make you feel better?” He asks, making me nod. “Oh before we go there, could we stop by at mine?” He asks.

“Of course” I reply, as both of us disappear on our adventures in heaven.

THE END