Thanks to you ~ A Jack Barakat Fanfiction

Fuck you

My mind was going crazy. Do I love him? Do I hate him? What the fuck was happening. I wanted to slap him so bad. I wanted to punch the living shit out of him, I wanted him to fall to the ground and beg me to forgive him for all the things he's done. 

I wanted him to regret the last year.
But then, I wanted him to just take me in his arms, and tell me everything was going to be okay, that we work things out, that nothing will destroy our relationship again.
Just as I was about to raise my hand, I made eye contact with him again, and I didn't see anger or any of these emotions.
I saw sorrow, hurt and he looked so sorry. My eyes started to water and my hands balled up into fists. My mind was made up, I was just going to leave him standing here. Just as I was about to turn around, he grabbed my wrist, making me flinch.
He walked us back to the bus, making me even angrier, because he wasn't even thinking of letting go off me.
As we arrived at the bus, he finally let go off me, making me smile arrogantly at him, as he rolled his eyes. 
He stepped in, and the others started teasing him, making me realize that was why they were so happy before.
"Aww, look Jack is back with his mate!" I heard Alice screech.
"Is she with you?" Rian asked.
And that was when I came in, turning all their attention to me. Their faces fell, and I looked away to the ground.

“We're in the back” Jack growled, pulling me behind him. I struggled keeping up with him, pulling out of his grasp once again.
“Fuck off, don't touch me” I snapped, making him look shocked at me. He nodded shortly though, before continuing to walk.
“Sit” he said, motioning to the sofa. I did as I was told and sat down, fiddling with the hem of my top.
He got himself a beer, and handed me one as well, which I gladly accepted and took a few big gulps from it.
“So?” I asked, raising my eyebrows. He was the one who took me here.
He ignored my question and remained silent, drinking his beer. I grew annoyed by his behaviour and decided to leave. If he wasn't going to talk, there's no point in staying.
“You'll stay” he said, not looking at me.
“Why should I? So I can sit here in silence and feel bad? No thank you!” I said sarcastically.
“We'll talk” He said. His short sentences started to piss me off.
“Then talk” I dared him, making him smirk slightly.
“Okay, why did you leave all of them without even telling them anything” He asked. No, let me correct, he demanded it.
“Why? Okay let me tell you! I left, because I couldn't bear the pain YOU gave me! If I had stayed in touch with ANYBODY, that meant knowing what you did. I was not so keen on knowing what slut you've fucked the previous day, or how amazing life was going for you! The pain you put me through, was no fucking fun. I felt worthless, and I fucking was worthless. I wasn't able to talk for weeks! The first time I talked, was a fucking miracle! You fucking broke me Barakat, and getting myself together, would have not worked with all my old friends” I spat at him, letting all my anger out. He remained silent, taking all of it in.
“Nothing to say?” I asked pissed. He let out a cold laugh, taking another sip of his beer.
“Nothing to say? You really think that I have nothing to say? Well, let me begin with the fact you were fucking pregnant, but KILLED our baby! Let me tell you, how much THAT broke me! Let's talk about how I would have loved staying in touch with you! Let's talk about how I had to pick up the pieces of Alice, that you left behind you, because I apparently hurt you. You have done so many wrong things you didn't know, and now they all just forgive you, except for Zack.” He hissed, taking me back.
“Killed our baby?” I repeated, looking at him. By now, I was standing in front of him.
“Do you really think Cass kept quiet about the fact that the fetus was already dead?” He asked, his eyes showing nothing but hate.
“Oh right sorry! I had to fucking realize that I was pregnant before I was fucking showing!” I was screaming by now, I couldn't keep quiet anymore.
He was taken back by that. He remained silent.
“About the part with Alice, do you really think that it didn't hurt me leaving her behind? I wanted to contact her so bad, but getting in touch with her, meant being in touch will all of you. I had a hard time already, and a constant reminder of YOU was not necessary!” I said, my voice calmer this time, knowing I was winning this one.
“You have NO right to tell me that what I did was wrong. I spent the last year, feeling like my whole like was a dream and I was sleepwalking! I felt like nobody needed me, and you just proved me in that point. I hate you Jack, you have no idea how much and I wish I could just fucking change all of this! So please, go fuck yourself and come back when you're ready to talk properly” I said, turning to the door and walking out, not carrying about the fact the others were standing close by the door.
“I HATE YOU TOO, LOVE” I heard Jack yell, before I slammed the front door shut and started running towards the Of Mice tour bus. Tears were falling, but I didn't care. I felt like all my anger doubled and I couldn't contain any of it.
I got into the bus and rushed into the bathroom, locking the door behind me, sliding down and sobbing my heart out.
I felt so pathetic once again. Crying over him felt so stupid.
I wiped away the tears and stood up, starring at my reflection. I looked at myself and wiped away the tears, looking through my cosmetic bag for some tissues. During the process of searched, I felt something cold against my fingers. I furrowed my eyebrows and grabbed the cold thing. As I pulled it out, I was shocked I took it with me.
In my hands was my old razor, which I hadn't used in about three weeks. I turned it around in my hands, before deciding against it.
I was not going to cut because of that idiot.
I'm better than that. Not over him. I was determined.
There were no longer going to be tears, break downs or the likes over Jack.
I took a deep breath, tossing it into the bin and getting out the tissues to get off the make up.
Going out of the bus, Laura stood in front of me, with a questioning look. I hugged her tightly, which she returned after a moment, before leading me into the bunk area.
“What's wrong?” She asked worried.
“Nothing anymore. I decided that I wouldn't cry over him...” I said, not really telling her everything.
“And?” she asked further. I sighed, running a hand through my hair.
“I met my mate” I said, biting my lip.
“Oh my god! What's his name? Why didn't you bring him?” She beamed at me.
“Because his fucking name is Jack Barakat” I replied, letting out a long sigh. She looked shocked at me, as if waiting for me to tell her that it was a joke. “I'm serious. I wouldn't joke about that” I replied, making her frown even more.
“What happened?” She asked scared. I let myself fall back and closed my eyes.
“We fought... He blamed me, I blamed him. I have no idea how it's meant to work out” I said, tears threatening to fall. No, stop! I told myself, and soon the tears disappeared.
I heard Loz mumble something, before storming off, and before I could react she was out of the bus.
Fuck what was she going to do now?
I ran after her, and only now saw her walking towards the bus.
Their bus.
“Laura hold up!” I yelled, catching up with her “Don't” I said, taking her arm lightly.
“Why? That asshole deserves to be put in place!” She said.
“Maybe he does, but please don't do anything you'd regret later. Plus, Sleeping with Sirens are playing right now, I don't think you want to miss that?” I smiled at her, making her look split between the two options.
“Fuck... Ugh I hate you” She said, before pulling me to the stage, SWS was going to play. I smiled to myself, before joining her.

A few days later

We were now officially in Portland, and I loved it. For some reason, I've always liked Portland and it felt like a second home to me. Smiling as the sun, I grabbed Jenna and decided to take new pictures, smiling at everything and every one I saw.
Jack and I saw each other a few times, but every time we tried talking, it ended in a big fight. I was growing tired of it, but there was nothing we could do. I was for sure not going to get a new mate again. With my luck, it'd be Jack.

I smiled at the new day, and decided to search for Loz and Alan, since I needed a few pictures of them.
Going around, I asked various people if they saw them and many helped me, which I was glad of.
Soon I found Loz, her face red with anger, and her hands balled into fists.
“Laura, what's wrong?” I asked scared.
“Don't touch me” She said, shrieking away. She motioned to the side, the back of the bus, and I walked over and saw Jack and Alan arguing.
“What in heavens name is happening?” I asked, obviously not loud enough.
“YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE BARAKAT” Alan yelled, his hands also balled into fists. I was not quite sure what was happening, and decided to just stand aside.
“KEEP IT ASHBY!” Jack retorted, and at that moment Alan couldn't handle it and his fist connected with Jack's jaw. I let out a short scream, which didn't bother any of them.
Jack quickly returned the same, and soon both were fighting with each other.
“OKAY GUYS GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM EACH OTHER” I yelled, making them look shocked at me. I stood in between them, and gave Jack a warning look, before turning to Alan, and showing him silently to go over to Laura, who was waiting terrified.
As Alan walked over to her, she literally grabbed him by his collar and took him to the toilets to clean his knuckles and his face.
I turned to Jack, shaking my head and taking his hand, going the opposite direction to the other toilets.
I took a paper towel and poured some water on it, carefully wiping away the blood, coming from Jack's mouth.
His gaze was fixed on a certain point on the floor, making me sigh. I took his hands in mine, and started cleaning his knuckles, making sure there was no dirt or blood left.
“Thank you” Jack muttered under his breath, making me smile slightly.
“No problem” I returned, making him nod. He seemed so peaceful right now, like he was the old one, the one I met a year ago. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, throwing the towels away, ready to walk back to the bus to check on Alan, as Jack grabbed my arm and pulled me back.
“Yes?” I asked, confused by his actions.
“I'm sorry” He said quietly.
“What?” I asked shocked.
“I'm sorry” He said, louder this time. This was the first time he said it without any sarcasm in his voice, which made me smile slightly.
“It's okay” I replied, smiling at him, making him smile at me.
“Can we... Can we start over again?” He asked, and I looked at him. Of course I was hesitating. He broke my heart once, who said he wouldn't do it again?
“Jack listen it's just that... so much happened and I don't know if-” my rambling was cut short, as his lips collided with mine.

A/N: 
Hey guys!!!
Okay first things first. Sorry for not updating on Tuesday, it's just I'm having this school thing where I have to work for two weeks and I'm working in a hospital and it's so exhausting. Today is the first day I've written in like 3days!
I'm really sorry :o
But anyways, I hope you liked it and that you look forward to the next chapters :3
Title credits: Sleeping with Sirens - Fuck You (obv cover)
I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH
AND ALSO OMG I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR LEAVING COMMENTS
LIKE CAN I JUST HUG YOU ALL?!?!?!?!??!?!?!
thanks so much seriously <3
Juliaa xxxxxXxXXXXXXXXXXXX (x-overload)