RESPLENDENT | SEULMIN

22

RIOT FLEUR

Three words... It takes only three words to break me into pieces. All of my fears have been locked inside this small chamber and now, they were freed.

"Riot, nakuha ako!" Danger excitedly exclaimed before pulling me into a hug. I was too surprised and dumbfounded to even function. Nakaawang lang ang bibig ko habang nakatitig sa papel na nakapatong sa lamesa sa harapan ko.

Hindi ko nagawang yakapin siya pabalik o magsalita man lang kaya humiwalay si Danger sa yakap para iharap ako sa kanya. Walang magbago sa ekspresyon ko. Nanatili itong nakaawang pero ngayon, dumadagdag ang lumbay sa'king mata.

"Hindi ka ba masaya para sa'kin?" malungkot niyang tanong bago tumalikod para basahin muli ang papel. "Natanggap ako oh." Ngumuso siya at kinunot ang noo bago ako harapin muli.

I am nothing but proud of you, Danger. But being proud doesn't always coordinate with being happy. How can I be happy with that?

"Pupunta ka?" I asked hesitantly. Deep inside of me, I know the answer. But maybe he changed his mind and he was just too happy to hear the news? Sana.

"What? Of course, I will. Sayang 'to." He grabbed my hand and intertwined mine with his.

"Ayaw mo ba?"

Riot, don't you fucking go there. 'Wag mong subukan gawin ang iniisip mo. 'Wag kang gumawa ng isang katangahan na pagsisisihan mo.

"Do I have a choice?"

I am at my calmest mood right now. Pinipigilan ko na ilabas ang kung anong mang gustong lumabas loob ko. Lahat ng selos, galit, lungkot, pang-aangkin, kadamutan, at ganid.

"Well, yeㅡ"

"No, Danger!" galit kong putol sa kanya at binitawan ang kamay niya. Tinuro ko ang titulo ng papel at tinignan siya. "This is Global Dance Unit we're talking about. It's every living and dead dancer's dream. Ito ang gusto ko, ito ang gusto mo. Don't let it slide just like that."

He tried to touch me but I kept my distance by shoving his hand that was going to touch me. "Danger, please. Just go there. Susubukan ko na lang. Susubukan kong maging okay dito, sa pinili kong set-up. Ito ginusto ko, papanindigan ko."

He frustratingly slid his hand through his hair and shook his head. I can feel it all now; his frustrations and continences. Do I frustrate you? I think I do. All I could do was just stand in front of you and say sorry inside my head.

"You don't have to force yourself to accept something you don't want to accept, Riot. I can reject them, kung doon mas gagaan ang loob mo."

I was taken aback. No, hindi 'to pwede. This... This isn't what I want at all. This isn't even a part of what I want.

I weighed the situation all in my head. Danger can't do this to us. Hindi pwedeng tanggihan niya lahat ng bagay na nakalatag sa harapan dahil lang sa'kin at para lang sa'kin. This isn't healthy at all and I don't want any of that.

"If I can't force myself to accept things, then you can't impulsively decide on something like that, Danger." Medyo tumaas ang boses ko doon pero pinakalma ko ang sarili ko. I'm really trying my best to, kaya ko 'to.

"GDU expects you to be with them and you'll just throw that awaited chance just because of me? Just because of Riot?" I scoffed before continuing. "Following Riot won't give you success."

We were both silent after I spoke. He was just kept on tilting his head sideways and cracking his fingers. I felt my body drain physically so I sat on my bed while I look at him from this distance.