catharsis.

misread silence.

this is how you love a boy who cannot find the words.

you will write to him. you will write about him. you will pen poems and sonnets and sing a million songs all for the love of him. you will cry and ache as you pour your heart out to him about the pain you feel. you will tell him about how you break in ten different ways that all hurt the same.

but he will not know how to reply to your passion. he does not have the words. he does not have the golden eloquency of a poet or the deep blue verses you need to hear welded into his blood. he cannot wholly fix you with the medicine that falls from his mouth, even if he tries.

you understand this. accept this. after all, not everyone has the same fire you feel. you write it off as something you will get used to, and that you should not expect so much from someone you love.

but it eats into you all the same.

you grow frustrated. weary. like you're shouting down an empty hallway till your lungs bleed only for a faint echo of sentiment to be heard back. like maybe he doesn't quite love you back as much as you thought after all.

you think, and you think too much. it's what you're best at after all. it's from whence the words come. it rips you asunder and pries the hinges of your ribs apart and slowly, like a kettle building to a boil, like a volcano on the verge, you erupt in that way you do best.

you cry. you shut him out. you push him away. you think you can outrun the hurt before it sinks its teeth into you, but it already has its jaws clamped around your throat.

you tell him that if he doesn't love you, then maybe he should leave.

the words taste like ash in your mouth, but you say them anyway.

silence.

and all you can think about is how you've really done it this time. maybe he'll leave. maybe you'll get what you want.

but is that really what you want?

more goddamned silence. yet it feels like a door slamming shut.

but then.

he steps forward. puts his arms around you and pulls you in and how did you not realize you were shaking so badly before? you breathe in ragged breaths and all you can smell is him and he's holding you to him like you're fragile, like you're precious, like you'll slip away.

don't do this to yourself, he murmurs. we're alright. you're alright. just breathe.

he pulls away from you. wipes your tears with both thumbs and looks at you with a soft smile that feels like winter melting into spring. he calls you beautiful and you don't understand, why is he still here, why isn't he gone?

I love you, he says. I see all of you, and I'm not going anywhere.

a warm feeling, one like the sun breaking over the horizon, settles over you.

and when he presses a kiss to your mouth, this is when you realise. that this is what counts. that this is what words were made to describe, and can only pale in comparison to.

that this is worth more than all the words the world could ever offer you.