My Poems

During an Anxiety Attack

I wrote most of this during an anxiety attack I had about an hour ago, and then finished it once I had calmed down. I know some people don't understand what it's like, so I hope this clarifies it a bit. Do understand that everyone's is a little different, and everyone has different kinds of attacks. For me, this one was one my more severe ones. Most of the time, I'm able to go about as normal while having one, but sometimes I just can't function until it's passed.

(9-7-18)
~~~
  Everything is just building, building, building, and I feel like I might explode.
  My hands feel shakey but they hold steady, and my chest screams for breath that I can't seem to draw.
  My mouth wants to yawn, to scream, but I just can't.
  For a moment, I feel that I'm going to cave and cry, but I hold together. Mere cracks in a groaning structure.
  My body tells me to cry, to be rid of these . . . Of these feelings that plague me, but I just can't.
  I tell myself, No, I can't do that. I have to be strong because what else am I if not tough? Breakable.
  I am something to be broken and dropped.

  My heart pounds against my throat, and I consider vomiting. I never can.
  My hands, though steady and calm, are clenched until it's painful, and I can't help but scrunch up my face for just a moment, just long enough to compose myself.
  I force myself to take slow breaths, but they inevitably speed up, until I can't control them anymore.
  And suddenly I am crying. Silently, they slowly slide down, like wounded soldiers from a war. Becuase I fight back every second because I should be stronger than this, what is wrong with me?
  My arms are folded over my face, my hands now grasping my hair. I sit, hunched over, waiting--praying that this will end soon.
  And then it is over, leaving me feeling numb and still, feeling the tears crystalize on my face.