Spoken Word and Songs (2013-2018)

Suicide

( at one point or another this was about me this is no longer how I feel now but it is a description of how I once felt)

~!Owned and Produced by Annie!~

Suicide

Where am I? Hello!
My voice only echo's back to me.
I disagree with the feelings within my soul.

I am stolen from my happiness, and I am ridden of hope.
Hand over the rope, Because I can't take it.
Why? Why do you ask?
You say I have so much to live for, 
But I can't see that,..
I can only see with my own two eyes, How much I despise life itself.

Life to me is a crumbling mess.
I am a black hole of love and regret.
I am out of control, no longer here.
I am in debt to the reaper.
I forget who I am, and where I came from.
My mind set, has been lost..It is spiraling down into a dark pit.

Like a creeper the reaper comes with his scythe in hand.
The gatekeeper to the underworld.
Do you know what I feel like?
Do you know? Do you know whats in my head?

I am in a pit..A pit of despair.
I admit this is not where I want to be.
I try to "make it", but alas I am only faking it.

I am unfit to be in this world.
I am a hypocrite, and a gnat on a window.
Insignificant to others around me.
 
You tell me you love me but you only shout in my face,..You tell me I am wrong to feel this way,
I have so much to live for and it is only selfish.
You say I should care more, but that only makes me care.. less.
I feel what I am doing is self-less, ridding you of my presence.

Because I am only a blemish.
I am not a pleasant presence.
All I have wanted is acceptance,
The Anti-depressant you shove down my throat have only numbed the pain.

Take a pill.. take a pill.. take a pill..
It will soften the pain, it will make the blow seem less intense.
I can't express how much I depend on your words.
You can't even comprehend why I feel this way.
Are you dense?

I am only in defense.
Don't you know I am tense, every hour.. every minute.. every second..
I feel I am worthless.

I am faithless.. breathless..
with no purpose..
I am certain, I have been deserted.

You only tell me I am disconnected to the world around me.
You tell me to spend more time with the family, to see my loved ones.
But see.. in my mind, you don't know how dark and lonely it is.
I am the only one here.

Can't you hear me?
HELLO!.... Hello!..... hello!.... hello!...

I can't do this anymore, I have to go.
There is no rainbow across my skies anymore.
HAND ME THE ROPE..
Please let me string it around my neck.

I am a wreck, only a speck in this enormous universe.
I am a curse, destined to ride in a hearse.

Let's rehearse the feelings inside so you understand, through your ignorance.
My inner sense has been destroyed.
I no longer have any endurance.
such an immense, intense feeling inside.
Please.. I don't need your assurance, I only need you tell me why I must live.

You only give the speech of pointing out my family, But what else do I have to live for? With this constant beating of pain within me.
What do I strive for?
 What have I arrived for?
Forgive me for being so crass..

But I feel like broken glass, spattered on the ground.

I am bound to my feelings, and drowning within.
In the end, I will only be a burial mound.

I am bleeding, What is the meaning of life itself?
Such a question that I can't answer.
In the shadows he waits for me to decide.

He waits with his scythe in hand as I stare at the moon in the night sky.

All I can do is deny to cry for myself.
And utter only two words.. goodbye