bar soap ➳ m.c. au

cinque

** this may be triggering **

cinque

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"char, get off of me," michael giggled as charlotte snuggled up on his chest. usually he would've allowed it, but charlotte was literally on top of him. her arms were wrapped lazily around his neck and her head was on his heart, so she could listen to it beat. her legs were tangled with michaels, and her chest was pressed to michael's stomach, it was comfortable for her, but for michael it was rather uncomfortable having a girl on top of him like this. charlotte was very tiny, barely over five feet, a tiny figure, and she couldn't weigh over 110 pounds, but michael was also rather small. yes, he was tall, but he wasn't very muscular, and he wasn't very broad, so supporting charlotte's weight was not a comfortable thing to do.

"but you're comfy," charlotte said slowly, poking michael cheek. michael smiled his signature goofy smile at her and took all of his strength to push her off. she groaned and snuggled up to his side again.

"you're so beautiful, charlie," he smiled at her. she crinkled her nose at the name but allowed it. no one had ever called her that.

"eh," she shrugged her shoulders. she wasn't insecure, she didn't hate the way she looked, she just never loved it.

"yes, you are, look at this," michael poked charlotte's nose, "and these," michael placed his fingers on charlotte's lips softly, "and this," he grabbed charlotte's tiny waist, "and these," michael grabbed charlotte's wrists, "they're so beautiful."

"my wrists?" charlotte raised her eyebrow.

"yes, they're so beautiful, and undamaged, don't you ever damage them," michael muttered. charlotte immediately realized that something wasn't right. she sat up and looked at michael in the eyes. she grabbed his hand and pouted.

"can you take off your bracelets for me, michael?" she asked seriously. he sighed and bit his lip. he pulled his bracelets off one by one, handing them to charlotte. after the last one was off, charlotte ran her thumb along the damaged skin of his wrists.

"you never told me," charlotte croaked out.

"it's not something you advertise," michael snapped.

"you told me about your fucking suicide attempt, michael," charlotte shook her head and bit her lip.

"i'm sorry," michael whispered.

"are you kidding?" charlotte looked at him in disbelief.

"what?" michael looked at her with guilt plastered across his face.

"i'm not mad at you, you don't have to say sorry," charlotte looked up at him sadly.

"you seemed angry," michael pointed out.

"i'm not, i'm just...confused," charlotte muttered.

"about what?" michael asked her, pulling her close.

charlotte didn't know what she was confused about. she never knew why people did this. yes, she had felt so much pain before, but she never wanted to hurt herself like that. she wanted to understand, but she simply couldn't.

"everything," charlotte admitted putting the back of her head on michael's chest. she grabbed his wrist softly and ran her thumb across it again and again.

"i'm eight months clean, charlie," michael told her.

"how long ago did we meet, michael?" charlotte asked him quietly.

"nine months," michael struggled.

charlotte only sighed in response and bit her lip.

"i started when i was thirteen, that age when everybody feels depressed, and i just, i never stopped," michael looked down at his hands that were being held by charlotte's.

"why?" she asked.

"i don't know charlotte, i needed a fucking distraction," michael snapped. she slouched down and nodded, "i didn't mean it like that, charlie."

charlotte looked up at him and let him take her jaw in his palm, so he could hold her head, just to make sure she was paying attention.

"sometimes life just gets so bad that you need a distraction, just for a few minutes, just to forget about your suicidal father and your mother that's angry at the world, just for a few minutes. but then, the pain comes back, it becomes unbearable again, so you go to that distraction again. there's always something in the back of your mind that's telling you that you're going to regret it one day, but you do it anyway. i regret it every single day, ever single fucking day. you just wait for the pain to go away, or you look for another distraction. some people find bands or celebrities, some people find music, art, sports, some people never find another distraction, but me, i was so lucky, i found you,"michael smiled softly at her.

"i won't ever hurt myself, i promise, michael," charlotte replied.

"you better not. nobody deserves to go through this, it's such a viscious cycle. it fucking sucks, charlie," michael told her.

"i would guess," charlotte said, bringing his wrist up to her lips, kissing it once and putting it down.

"i won't ever do it again," michael promised her.

"don't ever try to hurt yourself in any way," charlotte ordered him.

"i won't."

[hi

so i tried really hard not to romanticize self harm and if i did im sorry

yeah...

the next chapter will be super cute and it won't be sad for once yay :)

okay i have to do homework sooo..

goodbye

xoxoxo

mary elizabeth

OH

btw please help me get 100k reads on my story, Mr. Punk Rock

if i get 100k on that i'll do a q&a vid so ya...

ilygsm]