On the eage of madness

The first step

The clock's ticking declaring that minutes and seconds are passing . Its 5 am in the morning and I still sitting on my chair holding that pen in my hand finishing scribbling the words carefully and thinking as the alarm of my phone started taking me back to what it seems reality and i went to prepare myself to leave because I have to deliver the documents early to their owner , first of all I headed to the bath I let the hot water run to fill the tube then I went back to the room to shut the phone alarm clock that kept on ringing every five minutes and trust me that's the most annoying thing that could happen to you every morning nobody in this world likes the alarms nor their songs that's the human habits as I turn it off my eyes fell upon the paper and that creepy feeling backed again and I held it there between my hands it all felt like it's the first time I ever see what my hand had written , I started reading it with hushed voice for one and two time but the third time was different something is really different some kind of boldness crawled to me and i started to read it with confidence and anger of acquiring something so badly that you wanting it now and at this moment the words seems like a words of god and I felt like a God i needed to be worshipped that's not me I felt it someone inside of me telling the words , that's not my voice no no that's not my tune my hands seems to be shaking and cold sweat is dripping from me I felt all wet I dropped the paper and I fell to my knees shaking I look to my hands my veins is about pumping out I can sense my blood running in speedy way toward my head ,it's like all the blood that I have in my body is racing to my brain, I felt fever and coldness there's something in my head I wanted out now i can't handle it and I can't ...my breath is rigged unsteady I knelt I wanted to hit my head on the ground suddenly I lost consciousness I don't know for how long all I knew that I was drifted and dragged to another world that at that moment I didn't know what was it or what that words was about . The only thing that I knew that the chant is a first key to power and control and I accepted to have that key and I accepted by reading out those words and i opened the door to what they call it the guardian.... while I was out of conscience , laying on the floor my phone ring like for 10 minutes my head felt heavy and totally dizzy I picked up the phone and I heard my boss voice "where the hell are you , you must be here in 15 minutes or the deal is over , capito , see u then  " before moving my lips to complain he hang up , I felt my bones hurting like I was beating but someone or crushed under a truck I was even unable to bent down or standing up I tried so hard to stand and thank God I made it and I headed to the bath the water was all over the place and foggy because of the water temperature I was really in big mess my brain was working I need it to get to deliver the documents or I'll be kicked off for sure that seems so obvious from the my boss words so I dropped the idea of taking bath I went to the sink and I started clean my face as look to the blurry mirror there something wired my reflection seems different like double I stopped staring for couple minutes and cleaned the mirror with the hint of my shirt , my reflection seems normal I was like great now I started hallucinating probably I should take some clonazepam or valium . I brush my teeth in hurry .at that moment while I was leaving the bathroom my reflection seems to be not moving I took a step back and I look to the mirror and again everything seems to be normal like normal nothing weirdo , nothing strange seriously I was not scared due to I used to live alone in my appartment and deep down i related this stuff to luck of sleep so it felt normal at first to me and as I try to remember what I was doing while ago on the floor I don't remember a thing it's like something erased that part of the day maybe that was just a dream and I felt sleep because I was too tired and most of the people on this motherfucker earth don't give a shit about their dreams or even they never tried to remember what it was or what it felt like so why should I trouble myself and think of it all day lets hurry to get this reports to my boss. somehow I was wrong because nothing happen for nothing and being coldhearted about what just has been there is making things looks more complicated because being unaware of what actually happened is strange with all the meanings I slammed the door of my appartment living all that mess to be cleaned later or when I come back home . I was heading fast towards the place of work my head is busy about the obligations of being in time and life affairs a cold wind made me shiver as I slid my hands in my jacket pockets there I felt something inside I stopped and I took it out ..., with a surprise drowned on my face the same paper was there in my pocket I don't know how it was here in my jacket or who the hell put it ? I kept wondering..., the weather started to get gloomy it felt like it'll be snowing soon enough I put my thoughts aside and I continued my walking to bus station to get to the work .