Moon

Life is confusing 😕

(Update: I just found out about term called Quoiromantic/WTFromantic and it's looking pretty sexy right now) (look it up confused ppl)

I think back to the time the book was new and I was afraid to say I was pansexual

I can't help but laugh now....like wtf you scared for

Anyway I now identify with asexaul panromantic

Which In it's self is confusing like I feel like at this moment I have no sexual Attraction to anyone

But if I'm being honest I haven't felt any romantic attraction either I want to but....

And idk if that is because I'm young and I haven't dated any one ( which I feel like doesn't apply to many these days because 3rd graders are dating so....

And I had some one explain asexuality for them, they said it was hard to identify with because because they didn't even understand what sexual feeling felt like

And I feel like that's me with my romantic attraction I honestly don't know what it feels like to even know if I've felt it if that makes sense

I didn't really think about who I was going to date because in my head I really didn't care who as long as I like you but I had this friend named well let's call her Hope (kinda close to her real name) I was friends with her for 3 years and I wasn't sure if I liked her in a romantic sense or was I just feeling Platonic feeling for her I COULDNT FIGURE IT OUT so I just came to the conclusion that I liked her (not because I was sure just because I was tired of being confused)

Long story short I stopped having the same class with her and therefor was no longer her friend

So I got a new friend (this is pretty recent, I moved recently if I hadn't moved I would still be friends with her) let's call her Fall (also close to her name) she was my friend I cared about her again I couldn't tell wether I liked her or not

(Mini rant about Fall: I hate to admit it but my mom was right she was not my friend. as soon as summer hit I did not get one text from her even when I texted, her lowkey salty but what can you do)

That drove me crazy for about a month before I gave up and stopped thinking about it

Then I kinda just slowly pulled Away from her as a friend ( for the reasons stated above) so I didn't have to worry about it anymore

I had this friend we will call Mario who I sit with on the bus and talked to a lot when I wasn't with Fall and people use to think because we sat together we were dating (funny story I learned way later apparently people thought we were dating the whole year and only thought to mention it twice)

And again came the dilemma where I didn't know if I liked him or what

So as you can see this is a running gag in my life
That I didn't know what to do with (still don't)

At this moment in time I still identify with asexual panromantic but I will keep how I feel in the back of my head

I originally would have never posted stuff like this that exposed to they world how many labels I have because I thought I was "too much" but humans are supposed to be complex

It's not my fault society tried to simplify things to an idiotic level of

Man women
Man = masculine& dominate
Women= feminine& submissive

The fact they ever thought humans were that simply is the real problem

And I worry about the friends I have that see this, what they will think

I do the same for my white friends like I say nigga and naega or nigger ( for jokes) a lot and I worry I will and they uncomfortable ( or too comfortable where they think they should/ can say that In Front of me)

but at the end of the day this book isn't about you

At the end of the day you decided to read this

At the end of the day this is the person you signed up
to know so...like me In my entirety or not at all