14.9/18 - 3.10/18
Addict
What is an addiction?
Is it the way you drink away problems to silence those damn voices in your head?
Is it the way you shoot thru your veins when you miss the feeling of nostalgia?
Is it the way you fill you stomach with food that makes you feel safe?
Is it the way you put trees between your teeth anytime you missed her hug?
Is it the way I cut my flowers so butterflies living there could be free?
Is it the way I obsessively count and then don't put nothing between my cheeks as I step on the devils making only to realize I'm still the same?
Is it the way you look at me?
You look at me and all you see is a mask. But you don't know that.
You already took one mask off but how should you know there is another one underneath?
I see it. I see the shattered red in your chest, under your cracked ribs, slightly underneath your smoked out black lungs. I see it.
I see how it starts beating intensely when I say "i love you".
I feel how it broke when my mistakes were born.
I feel how it tries as much as it can not to jump from your chest into my arms as we stay up talking about the future.
And don't get me wrong I don't want to seem like a goddess you look and fall.
But let's face it.
I broke you. I broke the "US" that once could've been so beautiful.
And I know you keep hoping and running back to me when there's a slight chance of it being what is was.
A beautiful painting. Created with passion, panic, happiness, hope..
..love.
I am your addiction and believe it or not you are mine.
I can't admit it to you because if I do there might be an opportunity for you to become just "YOU" and "ME" without my say.
If I do admit it to you I put myself on the spot of pain and vulnerability.
I'm scared. I am a person who isn't that word. But I am.
// again.. had a little break down so I hope you like this one anyways and I would like to know your opinion on what I write in this book and what could I change -> please let me know🌹
• stay safe
