change- h.s.

19

"So where are you staying anyway?" Kelly asked, taking a bite of her soggy school salad.

"Just a friend" I shrugged off, pushing around my undercooked pasta I got from the lunch line.

"A guy friend?" She winked, nudging my shoulders.

"No!" I laughed, it seemed so believable.

"You remember our old child hood friend Layla?" I smirked, mostly because my lying has become extremely better.

"Yes! The one who always wore her hair in pig tails" Kelly smiled, remembering her.

"We ran into each other a few weeks back and she lives in the city, her mom takes me here" I explained, watching as my lie completely convinced Kelly.

"And your parents wouldn't look for you there! So smart!" Kelly exclaimed, seeming amazed by story.

But thats all it was, a story.

"How was school?" Harry asked.

He's been quiet ever since Saturday night.

We haven't even cuddled, or hugged since.

I felt like I lost him.

"It was better than usual" I smiled slightly, he just looked at me before pulling out of the parking lot.

"We're having tomato soup for dinner" Harry announced, walking into the kitchen.

I was in the dining room but he knew that.

"Mind if I join?" He asked, walking in with that same new journal.

The one he wrote about that girl in.

"Still writing about her?" I asked, going back to my book I was supposed to be reading.

"She made me unhappy" He frowned, my eyes looking up to meet his, but his were on the paper where his pen was moving.

"I'm sorry" I sighed, going back to reading.

"But somehow she still makes me happy, like even though she made me mad just seeing her makes me happy" Harry sighed, shutting his book.

"Hm" I hummed, acting like I wasn't paying attention, but I totally was.

"Shes still my little muse" He smiled slightly, looking at me.

"I'm happy for you" I mumbled.

I wasn't, but he didn't have to know that.

"I'm gonna go make dinner now" He said, barely giving me a smile.

I waited a few minutes before I snuck out of the dining room and into his room where I spotted some matches for the candles he likes to light sometimes.

I shoved the box in the sweatshirt pocket of his I had borrowed before sneaking out of the front door.

I stuck my hand in the pot, quickly grabbing the box and unwrapping the plastic and pulling a cigarette out.

I lit it with a match, taking a long drag.

I needed to get out of here.

Maybe make up a lie to Kelly and say that me and Layla got in a fight.

Although I would have to walk.

With all of my bags packed.

I guess I would have to.

Harry doesn't want me here anymore.

I've turned his home into a hell hole.

After he goes to sleep I'll pack and text Kelly.

I'll tell her my whole story, tell her to not worry until I get there.

I sighed blowing out the last bit of smoke before tossing the cigarette far into his dead grass.

"Dinner!" Harry shouted as soon as I walked in.

"Let me clean up" I said back, rushing into the dining room, putting all my things into my book bag.

"Here you go" He said, setting the soup in front of me.

Now I was silently packing my things.

It was 1:23 AM, Harry was fast asleep.

I went into the bathroom, grabbing my toiletries, putting them into their desired bag.

I was done with packing all my bags.

I did take a few of Harry's sweaters just to remember him.

I left him the pink sunglasses he gave me so he would remember me.

"Dear Harry

           I'm aware that you think I'm being selfish. That because of my feelings for you, you think I'm willing to risk your career. I'm not. I would keep my lips tied shut. I have. I haven't told a single soul that we are linked to each other. No one's even suspicious of us. Except Calum, but I don't even think Calum knows who you are. I do want to be with you. I would work passed the trust issues you have. I want to get to know you, to learn who you truly are a person. To know how you work. It's all I've been able to think about lately. I will miss you dearly. I'll miss your care towards me. I'll miss your strong hugs. I'll miss the way you smell. I'll miss your ridiculous sunglass collection. I'll miss every part of you I knew. You truly are a one of a kind human being. You are specially created. Although I wish you were specially created for me, that girl you were talking about- the one in your journal, she's made for you. Goodbye Harry. I'll miss our friendship. I'll miss you.

Love forever,

Emma Rose"

Then I left, carrying four book bags.

One on my back, one of my front, two on each arm.

I texted Kelly who immediately responded telling me she was up and ready for me.

I took a break, sitting on a bus bench.

I pulled out my cigarettes- Mitch so kindly gave me, and lit with the matches I ended up taking from Harry's home.

As I smoked one, I thought deeply about how Harry would react.

Would he be okay?

Would he be sad?

Would he miss me as much as I already miss him?

Who am I kidding?

Hes a grown man, already infatuated with some other gorgeous girl.

She won't ruin his career, she'll make him truly happy.

She'll paint that genuine smile on his beautiful face.

A smile thats so rare yet so amazing to see.

Harry Styles.

I'll miss him.

Everything.

The way he used to shake his wet mop of curls at me after he showered.

The way he would say stupid shit just to make a smile appear on my face.

Harry Styles, the one who can't want me back.

——————

ugh sad !