Soul Fire (GUARDIAN BL)

Chapter 30. "An endlessly long past that still stretched ever unending"

The door to Shen's redemption had been timidly pushed open when the heaven had granted him a glimpse into his black pit of grief that resided in the deepest corners of his heart. It had since then been left ajar and a small ray of hope shone through the narrow crack of the otherwise perfectly polished and virtually impenetrable shell that sealed away his emotions. Seeing the person he was longing for had eased his tormented soul, bringing him just one small step closer to making peace with what he dragged along with him as his failures of his past.

Shen felt like every fiber of his being was vibrating with anticipation. Adrenaline was coursing through his veins. His hands trembled and his eyes were wide. Shen is like what a cat must feel like waiting to pounce on a mouse.

Not seeing Zhao YunLan for a whole month with just a quick sneek a peek is not enough for Shen. His excitement wired his body like he was plugged into the mains. He felt like his brain was on fast-forward and there was no off switch.

Shen, as a supreme leader of Dixing, hid his emotions. He figured they were intel he'd rather not hand over and so at all times his face was blank. But today was different. He wore the facial expression of a small child with an especially large christmas present. The smile that cracked his face hadn't been seen since boyhood and he walked faster. He just had a good feeling about the day, nothing that felt this right could possibly go wrong. It just couldn't.

For the first time after a month of longing, finally Shen's body and mind relaxed as he was standing in front of Zhao who's still not moving from his previous position. Hair half soak in wet.

Shen's breaths came in sharp pants as he tried to gain control and said, shakily excited with an anticipation smile, "Yunlan.."

Zhao didn't utter a single word but his gaze fell onto Shen is like an act of violence, a glare to stop Shen's heart. Zhao's glare was the only message Shen Wei needed. Nothing he said afterwards registered in Shen's mind; like watching a movie on mute. Shen Wei knew. Shen Wei knew was all he needed to know. The love of a decade unravelled in seconds. Zhao's perpetually soft eyes were as hard as any store front mannequin. In that instant Shen knew he'd never speak beautiful word or tease him like what  usually do before as he chose to never utter a word also.

Now only silence lingers in the air. Shen shiver in the claustrophobic street and wait for the signal, as a small sigh of anxiety leaps out of Zhao's mouth. Disconcerted, Shen averted his eyes to the wet cemented road. That just minutes ago had been a hum of excitement and exhilaration, but now seemed to wither with age.

Shen Wei felt like the person Zhao had once been was no more. Instead of his soft gaze that promised laughter and easy banter, his eyes glared with an intensity that tightened Shen's chest. Though they still shared memories, Zhao eyes drilled out of Shen's any notion of shared spirit. A little piece of his died on each visit, another strand of connection between them shattered. Shen knew it was all his fault once again.

After all, Shen have always loved Zhao with devotion and purity; he had in mind that they both were going to be together forever. But things... they never stay the same. There comes a dark night after every sunny day. Being away from Zhao made him realize it was never the physical love which made it special, it was something different - a connection between two souls.

With silence floating around them, Shen felt like they were completely strangers. That day he first saw Zhao, there was something even then, though he didn't know what. He wonder if there's an element of time that allows them to feel a strong love, like an orange glow bursting over a dark horizon. It was light for Shen's eyes only, something to carry him through this life. It was the dawn of the person he is today, the person he was destined to be. He would give up anything in the world for Zhao YunLan, he would do anything to keep him safe. Though he work hard to keep him comfortable now and into their old age, he'd rather be poor in money than risk loosing Zhao's heart. Shen recall the day their bond was forged. It was like being let into the warmth after a lifetime of winter. Shen could never wish to go back to even a day before that. Zhao YunLan, KunLun, is the greatest treasure of his life, the one, the only one.