The Grant~An IT Crowd Fanfiction

Standard Elderly Grunting

Once the door to the cloakroom closed behind him, Roy realized that he had forgotten to shove the chocolate sauce bottles into an inconspicuous place, and that his whole plan was nearly foiled.

Quickly, he turned back around to face the door, hoping the evil toilet guy hadn't seen him toting the weapons of mass destruction. He shoved the bottles underneath his coat, but when he put his arms down it felt like they were going to fall out, and when he tried to hold them in with one arm it looked like he had appendicitis. Eventually he decided to shove one in each of his coat sleeves, which didn't end up looking too bad. His arms looked just a little more muscular than usual, which wasn't really a bad thing considering Roy had no muscle at all.

Everything was fine now. It was all good. Roy smiled to himself and began to tug up his zipper.

Then he heard a noise.

Roy knew that noise.

It was a slow groan. A grunt. The same sound a dog makes when someone walks on their yard. The same sound a gorilla makes when it wants to rip out another's intestines.

It was a sound that personified hell itself. If a plane crash into a hospital on Take Your Kids to Work Day could be summarized in a noise, then that was most definitely the noise.

It was none other than Kyle Lewis.

Roy's eyes moved slowly upward, and met the devil's gaze.

The sensation was similar to having two machetes jabbed into his face, but despite the pain, Roy forced himself to look steadfastly on.

He knew it was the same man from before. There was no doubt about it. That moustache the texture of ball hair, that wrinkled skin like his whole face had been vacuumed, that awful frown as if he hadn't smiled in eighty-seven years. It was the evil toilet guy alright. There was no mistaking him.

Kyle Lewis looked Roy up and down with his cold, dark eyes, and grunted once again. It was as though he was readying himself for the kill.

Roy tried to swallow, but couldn't. Suddenly his throat was sore and his palms were sweaty. The chocolate sauce bottles were heavy in his sleeves, and though they were fairly well-hidden they no longer seemed conspicuous. It felt like Kyle Lewis was looking at Roy with Superman's laser vision, if Superman was a crazy toilet-cleaning maniac.

Roy let out a high-pitched little whimper and quickly ducked into a stall, making sure he locked the door behind him so Kyle couldn't come inside and hack him to pieces with his eyeballs. He unzipped his coat and pulled out the chocolate sauce bottles, then found himself filled with an overwhelming, aching sense of dread.

Suddenly this didn't seem like such a good idea. Suddenly Roy had realized that Kyle Lewis was a much more formidable enemy than he remembered.

Roy careened over the toilet and threw up.