The Grant~An IT Crowd Fanfiction

Standard Bus Rides

Things calmed down once the group settled into their seats on the bus. Roy was still very frightened and disoriented, so the group sat in the way back, with Moss next to Roy, Richmond in a seat by himself next to them, and Imogene stretched out in front of Moss and Roy. The bus zoomed calmly to life, and everyone riding was instantly serene.

"Imogene was right!" Moss whispered to himself after a few minutes. "We are like little babies! Look, Roy's sucking his thumb!"

Roy was unfazed. His lips tugged on his thumb like it was a lifeline. He found himself retreating into many other infantile methods of comfort, such as rocking back and forth and curling up in the fetal position. He stared at the back of Imogene's seat as her head swerved and bonked against the rail.

"Where's a baby?" she slurred. "I want to hold the baby."

Moss frowned. "I don't think you could hold Roy."

She giggled. "Roy isn't a baby."

"It seems she's lost quite a lot of blood," Richmond piped up evilly from the back corner.

"Oh no!" Imogene laughed, doing uncoordinated robot arms. "Where did it go?"

Roy whimpered and muttered something to himself.

"I'm having a good day," Imogene smiled.

"It's funny," said Moss. "I never realized how enriching bunking off work could be. Especially when you do illegal things. I feel so alive! So enlightened!"

"I agree, although I'm not sure what I would do if I ended up arrested," Richmond said. "I'd probably end up like Ryan Ross. Alone. Ostracized. Forgotten. I might lose my job and have to leave the country."

"Should I pursue a life of crime?" Moss wondered aloud. "No, maybe I shouldn't. I don't think a prison environment would be very intellectually stimulating. You probably don't get a comic book library, or any circuit boards to play with."

"You only go to prison," Imogene sighed. "If you get caught."

"Yes, that's right. Maybe I could use an alternate name like Ghost Rider or Madonna. No one would ever know who I am. I could hide in the shadows, building contraptions of evil. I always thought of myself as more of a Spider-Man type, but maybe supervillainy would allow me to showcase more of my talents. What do you think, Roy? Roy?"

"I think," Roy sobbed into his finger. "I think I need to go to the toilet."

"Don't think about toilets now. That mess is over and done with."

"Just wait until Jen hears about this!" Imogene exclaimed.

Roy perked up, suddenly sane again. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're not telling Jen about this."

"Why not?" Moss said happily. "I'm sure she'd love to hear about it."

Roy looked at him desperately. "NO!"

Moss and Richmond cowered, but Imogene just giggled again like she was high.

"Look," Roy scolded. "When we get back, we're telling Jen that everything was fine. You know what? Let's just tell her we didn't even meet the toilet guy. Let's just forget that all of this ever happened."

"I wouldn't mind that," said Richmond sheepishly. "I'd just like to go home and cry."

"Oh!" Imogene cooed. "Don't cry! If you cry, I'll cry."

"Is she alright?" Roy asked Moss.

Moss shook his head. "I don't think so."

Imogene's eyes were distant, and her arms were limp. "You know what? I feel really happy right now. Like, insanely happy. And it's weird, because we just did a bunch of illegal things, and a lot of those things I regret. We committed vandalism that a poor old guy will have to clean up, we assaulted a security guard, WE PULLED A GUN IN A PUBLIC BUILDING—"

Roy shifted in his seat. "Yeah, you know, maybe you shouldn't say that so loud."

She yawned. "My daddy would be so upset if he found out what I did today. I bet he'd be really mad. I bet he'd be Hulk smash-level mad. He probably wouldn't let me come over and play with you guys anymore."

"Good point," said Moss. "I best not tell my mum, either. She'd be furious."

Her eyes widened. "Wait, you have a mom? I HAVE A MOM TOO! THEY SHOULD BE BEST FRIENDS!"

The others stared at her for a second. Moss turned to Roy with a blank expression on his face.

"She's too far gone," he said.

Roy stared down at his lap. "This is why we don't go outside."

"I wanna go outside," Imogene whined, and then she began to cry. "I wanna go outside and climb the trees."

"Maybe we should take her to the hospital," said Moss.

"I really like Winnie the Pooh. Do you guys like Winnie the Pooh? I wanna go home and watch Winnie the Pooh. Maybe I'll watch it in Spanish. Winnie l'ourson, Winnie l'ourson...or is that French? I don't know. They all sound Portugal to me."

"I think that's a good idea," said Roy, answering Moss's question.

"Uh oh," Imogene churned suddenly. "I need to throw up."

She stood up on the moving bus. Suddenly everything was spinning. Dots of blue splattered her vision and flooded it like a tidal wave. The bus rolled beneath her, tugging at the bottoms of her shoes. She felt the urge to fall asleep.

And then she went down.