will you love me like i do ?

chapter 20: hurt again

Y/n p.o.v

" but... i need you to stay away from me " he whispered

"What do you mean ? " i asked

" y/n .... i cant keep this up. Everytime im with you.. im hurting you unknowingly . To see you hurt .. it hurts me. I wanted so bad.. so bad to kill myself .. i thought i failled you. I thought i broke your promise. I dont want you hurt. I love you but... i cant... you being hurt.. is the worst thing i could witness. " he said

"Levi.... you only realised this once i confessed to you.... you didnt realise it sooner.. i was hurt.. yes.. i was really hurt. I wanted to dissapear because i though you didnt want me around. The memory is still fresh eventhough its been a year levi.. at that very moment... when you ask me to get out of your room. I lost every single last hope of happiness. Whyd you think i became a squad leader ? I wanted to prove to you.. i wanted to prove that i can do better than her.. i was desperate for you.. but you never noticed " i said as tears started to form my eyes.

"i know... but...it doesnt feel right.. i want this bad to be with you ,to hug you, kiss you ,hold you many more. Your too fragile.. im afraid .. i will hurt you... you deserve more than me.. you deserve someone better " that last sentence of it broke me entirely over again. As i stood up looked at him with my red eyes and walked out the room. Right before i could step out. He held my hand tightly before saying.

"Id prefer the old y/n... the one who loves to irritate me.. " he said looking at me

I gave a painful laugh before saying ..
" youre such an ass " and i left.

I entered my bunk and tossed myself on the bed... my eyes glued to the walls thinking.. if he was so into me why did he have to do that ?

"i want you so bad but i cant have you it hurts.." his sentence keep on repeating...

I hate you levi ackerman. I hate you so much .. i want you so bad that i hate you.... i hate that i love you... you're such a bastard to push me away...

I want to stay away but i cant... you are hurting me again...

I waa so deep in thoughts untill i bumped into someone... i looked up to see Eren.

"Y/n whats wrong ?" He asked

"Nothing ." I said trying to pass him but he pulled me back to him and stared deep into my eyes.

" tell me " he said

" i ... i cnt ... it.. it ... hurts Eren.... it hurts like shit.... it hurts a lot... " i said weeping into his chest..

" wha-whats wrong ?? " he askes hugging me

"Le..levi.. " i said sniffing

" what did he do ? " he asked

" alot of things.. i cant stand this pain anymore Eren , i just cant. " i said shaking

"People get too much into love that they forget that their true love is in front of them " Eren said

I looked up at him just in time to see him avoiding eye contact with me.

" Eren .. what do you mean ?" i asked

" you would'nt understand even if i tell you " he said closing his eyes.

" i would if you tell me. didnt we agree not to keep secrets between each other ?" i aksed holding his colar

he took his hand on him and walked away from me . Looks like now im really alone. i thought i had a close friend , i dont know what i said to him to make him feel so upset.. i stared at him until he dissapeared down the hallway

eren p.o.v

i walked back to my room. once i entered my room i knelt down and let my tears flow freely. why?... why cant you see me like how you see him ? all he did was hurt you all the time . i always end up patching your heart. end of the day you always run back to him . everything around you revolves around him. i hate that. i hate that you love him . i hate that im in love with you but i have to watch you cry because of him . it hurts .. just hurts.. i cant tell anyone about this . what would people think of me ? falling for the corporal ? thats not allowed... besides she looks at me as a bestfriend nothing else. i only want her to be happy .

but im not happy..

i want her

i want to be her happiness

i want to be the reason to her smile

i want to give her everything without regrets

but.....

she will never accept me... a mere cadet whose lost in love with her.. why