Blackbird // Mclennon

I Don't Know (Johnny, Johnny)

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     " I don't know what I'm gonna do when I tell my Father you want me, Johnny.
(And I love you, Paul!) "

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     My next class, all I could think about was how angry and hurt I was. It was so frustrating that he couldn't think about how I felt. I know the risks of telling people about us. I know it's illegal. But. I. don't. care. I trust Geo and Rich, I trust that they'd understand. George may be a bit... opinionated... at times, but I know he appreciates companionship above all. I know he'd see things the way that I do. I mean, he's put up with me for this long.

     My mind was buzzing with anxiety and worry, making it impossible for me to pay attention in maths.

      On my way out Mrs. Sander, my maths teacher, stopped me on the way out by grabbing my arm.

     "Paul, can I talk to you for a moment?" She asked with an endearing expression on her face.

     "Sure... what abou'?" I cocked my head. "Me grades slackin'?"

     "No, nothin' like that!" She sat down at her desk and folded her hands together, "Today... in class... you seemed really off... or upset about something. I mean, you looked nearly in tears... Is there something going on?"

     I shook my head almost instantly, "N- Nothing, Miss, jus some relationship drama is all."

     "Oh? That's never easy to deal with..." She sighed. "Well, Paul, just remember: if you ever need to talk, we're here for you. The counselors and I." She patted my hand.

     "Thanks... I appreciate that, ...dearly." I said awkwardly, heading out of the classroom. She seemed like she wanted to talk more about it, but I just can't.

    "I wish you and your girlfriend much luck, Paul... I don't mean to sound intrusive but... things like this happen sometimes between us and the people that we love, but... please don't let it drive you away from something... truly worthwhile."

     Christ, was I that transparent with my emotions?

     "Anyway, I'll let you go off now, have a great day Mr. McCartney." She nodded me off.

     "Ofcourse. You, as well, Mrs. Sander." I replied politely.

     As I left the room, John was leaning up against the lockers, waiting for me, I assume.

     "Hey!" He stepped infront of me, "What was that all abou'? Wi' Mrs. Sander?"

     I took in a deep breath and tried to walk passed him, but he got in the way yet again.

That persistent boy.

     "Ye can't stay mad at me forever, ye know?" He smirked, but I just ignored it. I pushed passed him and continued my way down the hall.

     Was I overreacting a tad? Probably, but I just am so annoyed about all of this, I don't even wanna look at John. I can't look at John without feeling a pit of stress building up in my stomach.

    Well, now it's lunch and I can't help but be silent as the other fellas talked amongst eachother. How could I talk to my boy, who I'm angry at, and the lads that I'm keeping such ginormous secrets from?

     "Paulie? What's the matter?" George asked me as I solemnly swirled my food around with a fork.

     I looked up at the boy and sighed, "Nothin' really, don't worry abou' it."