Barbed Wire Tattoo - Jungkook gang au

27 - Universe

CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN

Yoongi ended up waking me up. When I did I felt disgusting, day drinking is not my favorite sport; I regret my decisions. Jungkook was already at the dinner table munching on steak and potatoes. Jimin was sitting next to him his cheeks full of food, he looked like a chipmunk it was quite cute. I plopped into my usual seat next to Jungkook and began grabbing food and putting it on my plate. Jungkook only had two small cut pieces of steak on his plate and a half of a potato but I was still proud of him for trying to eat something.

Cutting a steak with a cast is the hardest shit, let me tell you. After a while my wrist was sore and my cast had a significant amount of potato smashed on it. I groaned forgetting about the steak and just taking bites out of the potato sitting in front of me. I was about to take another bite when my fork was taken out of my hands and my plate was slid away.

"Hey-" I was going to protest until I realized it was Jungkook, he was cutting my food for me. "Oh, thank you." He slid it back in front of me and smiled softly at me. I kept eating and looked up at Jin with a smile. "This is really good."

"It's because I helped." Taehyung said taking another big bite, filling his mouth completely.

.

.

I was sitting in the backyard with a blanket. It was a little too late in the year to be sitting outside at night. It was coming up on winter and the nights were colder than usual, the days warm. But I didn't mind that much, I sat on a bench my head on my knees and the blanket wrapping around me.

The moon was only a blurred light tucked in behind the clouds. I wished I could see her, and the stars. It's crazy how Jungkook has me referring to the moon as a person, he would always tell me that people don't respect the world so they can't possibly respect the universe. Maybe I didn't respect the universe, that's why it's out to kill me. Jungkook said that the only thing that's constant in the world is the stars, the planets, the moon, they are always there and they will always be there. He finds peace in the fact that humans haven't ruined the stars like they've ruined the planet.

I wonder why the world hates me so much, maybe it's all the lives I've taken. Maybe my morals are off, I've always believed that the people are forever more powerful than the law. There is more of us, there are more voices that can unite. That's why I can sleep at night, knowing that I've never killed the innocent, I've never killed a good guy. I've only ever killed the bad, the people who kill the innocent, the people who steal from the weaker, that's why I could kill my father. At times I miss him, but I mostly just miss the memories I would make up. I'd pretend that we were a family, like he cared but I knew he never really did.

"Hey." I looked up to see Jungkook standing with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. "Can I sit?"

I nodded scooting over on the bench, he sat down and there was a large amount of space between us. The last time we were both sat on this bench he was telling me all about his life and Amphisbaena history. Back then we were all over each other, we couldn't live without one another's touch. I'm proud of myself for being able to live without the constant need for his hands on me.

"Can I talk? About it?" Jungkook asked nervously scratching the back of his head. I nodded turning toward him to give him my full attention. "When I was kicked out all I had was a pocket knife and a blanket. That's when I started, I felt guilty and I just wanted to hurt. I wanted to feel something other than depression and anger, pain was the easiest outlet. I stopped though, after we got Tae safe. I was happy, I had my best friend and a new family. Then when you came," He shook his head with his beautiful smile adorned to his face. "I don't think I've ever been happier, it was an emotion so much better than happiness. I just felt complete, I felt like I had everything I've ever needed in my life. But I fucked up, I lied and hurt the one person I promised to protect with my life. I let you leave when I promised you I'd never leave, I broke every promise I ever made with you. I don't blame you for ending us, I let you get hurt. I lied."

"Jungkook, hurting yourself over me is stupid." I bit my lip not sure what to say. "Look at me, my arm, my face that was all Kang that wasn't you. When I got shot that wasn't you, I took that bullet for you because I love you. It wasn't your fault I got shot, and it wasn't your fault I got taken. But you lied, you broke me. I gave you  so many firsts, you are the first boy I've ever kissed because I wanted to, you are the only boy I've ever loved."

"But now it's gone." He said his eyes staring at the ground.

"Why did you lie?" I put my hand on his thigh trying to make him comfortable, he came to me to talk about this and I didn't want this to turn into a fight or an interrogation.

"Because I'm weak and I'm stupid. My hyungs fucked up and I didn't know how to fix it. They left the girl I love to die, I didn't know how to make you not hate them. I couldn't deal with it if you hated them, because I need them. So we said we should lie, to try to look out for your feelings. I should have said no. I should have made them stand up for what they did. But I was scared, scared that I was going to lose you and them. I ended up losing you anyways." He was crying by now, his voice sounded restrained and raspy.

"I'm here now am I not?" He looked at me blankly.

"You know it's not the same thing." I did know, how could I not. The only boy I've ever loved is sitting beside me, his entire life crumbling around him. There was nothing I could do right now, I can try to just be here for him but that is only going to work to a point. He wants us, he wants things to go back to how they were. I didn't know if that's what I wanted, I don't know what I need right now. I know that bad things are bound to happen to bad people, and under definition I guess I am a bad person. I do bad things, so I've gotten what I deserve. But Jungkook doesn't deserve this, his entire life was him protecting Taehyung, protecting his little sister, trying to find who killed his mother, and then trying to protect me.

"You saved me." I said trying to make him look at me again. "Look at me." I grabbed his face with my unbroken arm. His skin was still warm under my touch. "I don't hate you. I can't just stop loving you Jungkook, but I also can't just pretend like what happened didn't happen."

"You love me?" His voice cracked and a few tears fell from his bright doe eyes.

"I do. But please, give me time." He smiled the brightest smile I've seen since I left. Pulling me into his arms he hugged me tight, rocking us back and forth. I could hear him breathing into my hair, letting out a deep sigh. He pulled away from me letting his hands slide down my arms to rest on my hands. He played with my fingers as he spoke to me.

"Okay, take as much time as you need. I won't leave you, not again. I won't lie to you ever and I'll protect you and I won't let anything hurt you ever again I promise. I swear on my life Kris, I will never leave again." I could feel tears welling up in my eyes as he pulled me into a hug again. This time he didn't let go for a while, but when he finally did it was my turn to speak.

"Don't hurt yourself please, I don't know what it's like to feel the need to do that. But find me and talk to me please." Jungkook nodded at me looking down to his shoes. "Let's get inside it's late."

"You go in first, I'm going to stay out a little bit longer." Jungkook said and I stood up nodding my head at him. I watched as he laid across the bench resting his head against his arms, his face looking up to the cloudy night sky. The faint smile that was on his face made my heart flutter, his face looked a little less pale than it did before, and his eyes weren't so dull.

If the universe was a real person, and the moon was really a SHE, they'd love Jungkook. Maybe that's why he spend so much time looking at the night sky, because he knows that the spirits up there love him. I hope he realizes how many people love him down here, how much he's done. I hope he doesn't let all his mistakes be the only thing to define him. Mr. Doe Eyes was worth so much more than a cloudy night sky from such a shitty place like earth, he deserved every galaxy and every star in the universe. I took one final look at him before walking back toward the house. I don't know which is more beautiful, him or the moon.