This Is Me

Just Best Friends?

Our lunch continued with the conversation how Mirajane was the devil incarnate, but we all still loved her. During that, Mirajane looked towards Natsu and I.
   "What?" I asked
   "Oh nothing..." she smiled and teased.
   "Pfft Nothing?! Soooo you weren't going to mention anything." Natsu sarcastically said.
   "Actually I was!" She confidently spoke. "I was going to ask when the hell you guys are going to get married?"
   "Married, we aren't even dating! We're best friends!" I defended.
   "Not the way you guys are sitting."
I noticed that I was in between Natsu's legs leaning my back to his stomach. I quickly adjusted myself and pushed him away.
   "Heyyyy!! You were perfectly fine before!!" He whined.
   "When the hell did you sit behind me anyways?!"
   "Uhhh when we first got here."
   "That's what I'm saying Lucy, you guys act so close naturally, might as well date. You both have love for another!" Mirajane pointed out.
   "Pfft as if..."
I looked over at Natsu, who looks a bit down. I think I hurt his feelings, and I really hate when I do. My heart aches when I see him like this.

   Lunch is over and Natsu, Erza and I walk to our class.
   "Hey Erza, can I talk to Natsu for a minute?"
   "Sure, just get a room if you're going to do anything."
   "Very funny."
Erza walks away, and I look at Natsu. He's confused and looks worried on what I'm going to say.
   "What's up Luce?"
   "What's wrong?"
   "..nnnnothing?"
   "You looked sad when I pushed you away from me."
   "Well yeah, we were like that the entire time and you weren't having a problem with it. Then all of a sudden when Mira pointed it out, you got all defensive and said you'd never date me?"
   "Well yeah, I wouldn't date you because we're best friends!"
   "You never once had any feelings more then a friend?"
   "N-no, not that I can think of." 
   "Can we just go to class?"
He then walks away before I could answer. He's all slumped over and I try to catch up. But I figured that he wants to be left alone.
   We get to class and I take my seat, Erza leans over to ask me what I wanted to talk about with him. I told her that I wanted to know why he was sad. She looks past me to see Natsu and he looks more down in the dumps then before.
   "Not to bother you or anything, but since you guys have been best friends for awhile and became closer. I think he likes you Lucy.."
   "Why do you say that?"
"Because look at him, he looks like he's been rejected by the love of his life."
"I don't know about that.."
"Lucy... what do you honestly feel about him?"
"He means everything, i don't know what I'd be doing right now without him."
"That sounds love to me."
"It doesn't necessarily mean 'love'..."
"Geeze Lucy, you're dense."
The teacher walks in and starts his lesson, I stare at the gloomy Natsu trying to figure out what's happening and what his and I's feelings are.
Do I like him? Or is it just mere admiration for all that's he's done for me?
Does he truly like me? Or is he just feeling sympathy for me because of my abusive father? I mean when he told me he was sick of me getting hurt, I felt scared because he never really says my name. He usually uses my nickname, he meant real business when we looked me in the eye.
"Luce, could you stop staring at me, you're looking like a creeper."
"Oh sorry natsu..." i turn my gaze to the board where the teacher was.
I don't know what I feel to be honest.

*ring ring*
The bell rings for the end of the day and it felt like I was in class for five minutes.
All the students leave the classroom and I just stay in my seat packing my things slowly. At this moment I feel gloomy myself. Should I be feeling some type of way? I should just shake it off and do what I normally do.
I leave the classroom and head for the doors.
"Oh you waited for me?" I asked
"Uh yeah? We go home together everyday, and we live together." He says.
"Right, sorry."
We're both down in the dumps and don't speak to each other on the way home.
"Why aren't we talking to each other?" I asked curiously
"um I don't know, there's nothing to talk about?"
"But we always talk about something? I don't like how you're sad. Be honest with me Natsu."
He sighs and starts his sentence "I'm not sad-"
"But you are!"
"Can I speak please?"
"Sorry.."
"Okay yes, maybe I am sad a little bit, but sometimes you just don't think your actions might hurt somebody including me especially. And it hurts especially when you don't know how I truly feel."
"I'm sorry, that I hurt you. I never mean to hurt you intentionally, whenever you're sad, it gets me really sad as well and my heart aches. I didn't mean to hurt you, I never know how close we actually are. I'm tired of people saying we should just get together."
"Why do you care? I just ignore it."
"I don't know.."
"do you not want to be together in the future?"
"Of course I do, we're best friends!"
"....right. best.. friends.."
"What?"
"Nothing Lucy, we're home."
Just then when he says my actual name, my heart stings and shatters.