Loneliness,
Such a peculiar feeling I'm unaccustomed to
What is loneliness? I'd ask
How can one feel lonely? I'd ask
Play music, party, paint a mask
Feign a smile
Loneliness is nothing but a mere term constructed by sentimental fools and hopeless romantics.
I'd scoff
Loneliness,
It did not exist in my dictionary
Like a cold untouchable glazier, I stood alone from the crowd.
Persisting of my resentment for affection and company
Continuously reminding others of my cold nature
Elucidating any doubts from their minds
And mine
Loneliness,
It only existed in the hearts of the weak
I am no weak
I boasted about my heart never beating for anyone
And ridiculed my peers that spoke of how we all desire affection and companionship
I believed my heart to be as cold as stone, unshakable like the pyramids
and untouchable like the sky
No pain
No love
No feeling whatsoever could ever harbour in me.
Especially not loneliness
Loneliness?
I scoffed
I jeered
I laughed
But the truth is, lately
Loneliness and I are companions
It is ever present in me unfortunately
Especially
When the rays of the sun wither away
When the dark curtains are drawn
enshrouding the glimmer of the moon
When the bulb emits light no more
And the sounds of the tv and the people echo no more
And the melody of the music is no more
And the words on the book seem to lack meaning
And the little voice in my mind whispers the perks of death
And the tranquility of not waking to another pointless day
And I desire strong arms wrapped around me
And a voice that will shut my inner voice
And assurance that I do indeed matter
And love and affection
Here I lay in darkness
A malicious voice for a companion
I crave attention.
I seek connection
With another soul
Another soul
To confide in
But I tell myself I'm cold and feel nothing
Yet the forlornness and the heartache linger
And then amplify
And it feels like I've been in this crucial state for infinity
It's futile to deny my loneliness
I am lonely and I have absolutely no one
I am neither cold nor untouchable
I am vulnerable and forsaken
The facade I've built to deceive others washes off with the tears streaming down my cheeks and dropping from my chin and on to the pills cupped in my palm
Cheeks ever so wet
Desolation ever so present
It finally dawns on me
The reality that I've been evading for so long
I am nothing but a worthless failure that can never be loved by anyone
And can never love anyone
And will forever be utterly and infinitely alone.
YOU ARE READING
The Path to Death
PoetryThese are free verse poems that I have written when I was at my lowest point, trying to figure out what I want more, to love or to die. I am battling depression and maybe I will get better, maybe not. But writing down what I'm feeling lessens my b...
