Caught On Fire (WAKAS)

I.

Niluwa ako ng kamalayan nang makarinig ako ng nabasag ng kung ano. Kinusot ko ang mata ko at dali dali bumaba nang makarinig ako ng muling pagbasag.

Kinakabahan ako lalo nang marinig ko ang marahas na pagsigaw ni Mom.

"You're going out again? Greg naman! Magkaroon naman ng oras sa pamilya mo, hindi lagi diyan sa trabaho mo! Ano wala ka ding plano magpaalam?"

They're in the kitchen. Nakita ko pa roon ang nagkalat na mga basag na baso sa puting tiles. Nagtago ako sa likod para pakinggan ang pag uusap nila.

"Shut up, Michelle! You're just my wife! Wala kang pakialam kahit ano pa ang gawin ko." Matigas na sagot ni Dad.

"Ah, wala pa lang pakialam? Bakit hindi ka doon sa Rachelle mo? Nakakapagod ka na Greg! I'm done! Mabuti pang magkahiwalay tayo."

My breathing became heavy after I heard Mom's last words. Are they going to separate? Kinakabahan na ako. This is not an ordinary fight. Madalas mag away si Mom at Dad pero hindi sa ganito na aabot sa puntong hiwalayan.

"Ikaw pa ang may ganang makapaghiwalay? Okay fine, Michelle. I'll process the papers." Malamig naman na sagot ni Dad bago ito umalis.

Ganoon na lang iyon? Dad's going to leave us? Ginna's in Canada with grandmom kaya paano naman ako? I don't know who to hate now. My Mom who's always at the pharmacy or Dad who's always out working and flying abroad.

I won't cry. Padua's are not the type to cry just because we are hurt. We don't cry. We will not break down.

Kinuyom ko ang kamao ko at umakyat papuntang kwarto. I picked my bag and went outside. Ni hindi na ako nakapagpaalam dahil anong oras na rin at huli na ako sa klase.

Every boy look up their father as their hero. But in my case, I don't. I have never seen my father as a role model. His desire for me to become excellent in whatever I do fucked me up. I'm so damn tired living in his expectations.

Kung ako lang, uunahin ko ang pamilya ko! Hindi kagaya niya na wala ng panahon sa pamilya. I want to become the best for my child.

Nakasabit ang bag ko sa likod ko at pumasok pa rin kahit alam ko ng late na ako. I saw my classmates rejoicing.

Dirediretso lang akong pumasok at umupo na sa pwesto ko. Pumikit naman ako at pilit na pinapakalma ang sarili ko. Inunan ko ang bag ko at sinubukang matulog kahit na sobrang ingay. The teacher announced something that made most of my classmates jumped in glee. Kahit na nakapikit ako rinig ko pa rin ang inaanunsyo ng guro.

We will be having a three day field trip in Cebu. Kinuha ko naman ang bag ko nang magdismiss ang teacher at saka lumabas patungo doon sa likod ng school.

I usually come here when my thoughts are clouded and I don't know how to keep my records straight. Umupo ako sa may lumang swing.

I gazed at the sky and somehow it enlightened my mood.

"Padua." I looked at the person who spoke with my piercing looks.

"What are you doing here?"

"Wala napadaan lang."

I drew a smile. Esguerra has been the rays of light when darkness occur in my life. I am amazed how she always make me smile in whatever she does. Kaya nga, gustong gusto ko siyang inaasar kasi hindi nakukumpleto ang araw ko kapag hindi ko ginagawa iyon.

I was never certain of my feelings for her. Until that night happened..

"I don't know where she is, she didn't make paalam to me." Kanina ko pa tinatanong si Hera na madalas niyang kasama kung nasaan iyon.