Right Where We Are

Ain't No Rest for the Lovesick

MISAEL—

For a few moments, Misael had no idea where he was. He remembered as he sat up and fumbled away from the sheets, stumbling for the bathroom as bile burned its way up his throat.

He shut the door and kneeled in front of the toilet, desperately hoping his gagging and retching wouldn't wake Luke. Four Loko, tequila shots, vodka, and whiskey with Coke all burned their way back up and out of Misael, leaving him parched and groaning with a nasty headache. He stood up and flushed before going to the sink to rinse his mouth.

"You okay?" he heard a husky voice mutter. Misael jumped and shut the water off.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's fine. It's like three in the morning, I'll be able to fall asleep again." He shuffled on the bed, and Misael could hear his breaths in the dark. "You can use what's left of Dylan's mouthwash if you want. I'll get him another."

Misael nodded and rinsed his mouth, feeling unsettled. He tried to remember the sequential order of the party, but it was too exhausting. He did know for sure that Logan had been hitting on him. That Luke had seen something. Had seemed unsettled by the knowledge of Misael's sexuality, even though Misael was pretty sure he'd tried to make out with Luke once before.

He shut the light off and walked over to Luke nervously. He wasn't used to feeling like this. To the weird fluttering of his stomach and hesitations and a strong urge to be near to someone. Something had shifted, something that brought down walls only to put up new ones. Something significant had changed, but Misael didn't know if it was good or bad.

"Luke?" Luke turned over and opened his eyes. "Can I lay down? Floor's uncomfortable." He paused and offered a smile. "You know, if I'm not... crossing any boundaries."

"What do you want, Misael?" His voice was soft and nervous. Misael didn't speak, and with a sigh, Luke scooted over. Misael laid down so they were facing each other. Nervously, he reached a hand up to Luke's face. "Sael," he whispered.

"Smile. Or else your dimple will disappear." Sure enough, that made him smile and Misael smiled back. "There it is." Even in the dark, he could tell Luke was blushing. Slowly, his own smile faded, and he shut his eyes. "Why were you angry with me?"

"A lot of reasons. You told Logan you weren't planning to take me to that party. You didn't tell me you're gay too. You made me pick you up and forced me to let you spend the night here."

"I mean, you're not gay, you're bi, so...." Luke stared at him unamused. Misael frowned and shifted away. "Do you want me to go?"

Luke was silent. Then, "Who called you today?" Misael opened his mouth, but Luke cut him off. "Don't tell me it was a wrong number. I saw your face."

With a tired sigh, Misael rolled onto his back and stared at the dark ceiling. "My shitty excuse for a father."

"Your dad?" he repeated, with evident shock. "What did he want?"

He turned his head. "Fuck if I know. I hung up on him. He disappeared for most of my life. Then Abuela gives him my number, and he thinks he can prance back into my life like nothing happened." He scoffed and put an arm over his face. "Over my dead fucking body."

"Is that what tonight was?" Luke whispered. "You got angry, so you went to drink and forget?" Misael put his arm down and took a deep breath. How could Luke understand his actions already? How could he sound kind and free of judgement even when Misael was puking up his guts in his bathroom?

"So, what does your roommate never sleep here or something?" he asked, clearing his throat.

"Yeah. He's at his brother's house though." Misael nodded and shut his eyes. "Two gay guys sleeping in the same bed," he mused. "That's pretty gay, dude."