Day 2 - I tried to push him away
It's been seven months already and I'm still like this. I'm still a mess, even worse without you. I still hate myself more that anything, still as fucked up as I was before; But I'm still trying. I'm still feeling the same feelings as I did before. I hate myself. I hate myself so much. I'm such a horrible person that I've let even the only person who had ever loved me slip away. I'm such a coward that I've lost the only person who had ever cared for me. I'm such a useless piece of shit that I've let the only person who had ever made me feel like I am actually something worthy leave as well. I'm a mess, I still am. And there's this stupid boy who makes me more messed up than I already am. He calls me perfect as if I'm a masterpiece to be admired, as if he's too blind to see my flaws and my scars, and it fucks me up. He calls me beautiful as if he sees the universe in my eyes. He's like a lost little boy who happened to find a broken home; He's a fool for entering it's four cornered walls because it's gonna fall apart soon. But I'm just as lost as he is. He thinks I have my shit together, he thinks I am 'loved'. But the only one who ever showed me sincere affection was him. He thinks life is on my side and that's just fucking stupid. If only he knew how fucked up I am right now. If only he could see me for who I truly am, behind these walls, then maybe he'd realize that I'm not perfect as he thought -and that he's so stupid for believing I was.
