A Dangerous Friend

Donut Forsake Me

Jade walked into the diner dreaming of another world, a better world, a world where she and Tori skipped arm in arm through fields of gold, laughing and reminiscing about that time when Tori had totally and utterly not invited her to dinner with her awful girlfriend.

"'Last Year at Marienbad'?" Tori said, without preamble.

"What about it?"

"What do you mean, 'what about it'? You gave me five thousand words on it!"

"I know," Jade said. "I was there. You were all, boohoo, I forgot to write my essay because I'm a doofus, and I was all, cometh the hour, cometh the girl, and saved your ass. I remember it well."

"Yes, but you could have told me what it was about!" Tori said. "I had to stand up in class this morning and tell them why I chose it."

"And?"

"I've never even heard of it!"

"Which is why I gave you a copy of the essay."

"Yes, but I..."

"You did read it, didn't you?"

There was a hot silence.

"No."

"Why not?"

"I..."

"Honestly, Tori," Jade pouted. "For shame."

"I haven't got time to read five thousand words about things I've never heard of!" Tori said, exasperated. "Why didn't you pick something I'd seen?"

"I don't know what you've seen."

"You could guess!"

"Yeah, I could. And if you really want to stand up in front of a class full of film geeks and tell them your favorite movie is The Lion King, then go for it."

"My favorite movie is not The Lion King!"

"Cinderella?"

"No!"

"Reefer Madness."

"Very funny," Tori snapped. "You know, I think you did it on purpose."

There was a brief pause, just long enough for Tori to realize how stupid that sounded, but too short for her to fit an apology into. "Jade..."

"That's right, Vega," Jade said, calmly. "You got me. I drove eight hours and stayed up all night writing the best essay I've ever written, just to make you look like an asshole in front of a bunch of people I don't know. Man, I'm just the worst friend ever."

Tori groaned. This was going to take a while.

"What kind of monster would do something like that? I should be locked up."

"That wasn't-"

"Please, no, cover your eyes. Don't look at me, I'm an abomination. Unclean! Unclean!"

"Stop that!" Tori said. "I said I'm sorry, okay? You know I didn't mean it."

Jade shrugged. "Yeah, right."

"I didn't!"

She studied her fingernails. "I mean, it's not as if I have feelings, or anything."

"Oh, for Heaven's sake..."

"It's lucky my heart's just a great big ball of ice, floating in a sea of bile."

"Stop it."

"If you cut me, do I not bleed?"