random thoughts

pt. 7 - i miss you

Dear my lost love,
I miss you.
I miss you with my whole heart.
Everytime I think of you I can feel a little stab into my heart. It feels like there's someone stabbing me with a needle everytime your face pops into my mind. It feels like someone would want to punish me everytime I get lost in the thought of you.
I miss the time we spent together. It's hard to understand but you were so important to me. It's sad that I was too shy to properly talk to you but you were still so kind and I felt really comfortable everytime you talked to me. Everytime we accidentally touched or not accidentally touched. Everytime our eyes were locked to each other for the moment. Everytime you were by my side. I miss you. I miss your warmth. I miss your voice. I miss your laugh. I miss your caring touches that I felt. I miss everything we shared with each other.
We just stopped talking in some kind of way. We just stopped looking at each other. And it's sad that I was too shy to properly talk to you. To ask you why we stopped talking. Why we stopped looking at each other. And it's sad that I don't even know how you feel about our failed relationship. I don't even know if you feel the same about it like me. Or if you just stopped talking to me because you wanted to, not because we just didn't talk. Or if you blocked everything that had to do with me. I wrote a text about you and published it because I wanted you to see it. You never saw it.
I don't know if the situation that we're in is on purpose but I don't want it to be. I would be happier if I would know that this isn't. That you didn't plan this because you stopped liking me because of whatever reason.  That you didn't stopped talking to me because you didn't wanted to. That you think about me too. That you miss me too. That would make me happier. But deep down I am thinking that you just stopped it because of me. Because I wasn't good enough for you. Because I was too shy. Because I didn't make our time together enjoyable like you did.
I am sorry if you felt left behind or not loved. I am sorry for everything I couldn't do and never did. I am sorry
Again, you'll never read this but maybe if you do, I want to let you know that I miss you. I miss our time together even though it was a short time.
I loved you with everything I could

I hope you remember me