random thoughts

pt. 10 - i remember him

It is a day like every other day. It's cloudy, it's raining a little bit and the cold wind is moving through the streets. I should be in school right now but instead I'm laying in my bed, sick. I was just scrolling through my camera roll where suddenly his face is on my screen.
His beautiful face I used to touch. His wonderful lips I used to kiss. His amazing blue eyes I loved to stare into. His hair I loved to go through with my hands.
Everything of him mesmerizes me for a second and then I remember

I remember him laying on my bed with me.
It was a hot summer day, he came early in the morning after my mom left. It was summer vacation and we couldn't hesitate to spend everyday with each other.
I remember watching videos that day.
He also brought food and some ice cream.
A perfect day to stay in I thought.
He was eating faster than me and finishing food before me.
I recognized him waiting for me, so I just ate a bit slower to tease him a bit.
He was upset, I could see it in his eyes. I laughed a bit and stopped eating slow.
I started concentrating on the video again but out of my canthus I could see his eyes locked at my face. I enjoyed his look.
After finishing the video and my food I looked over at him. He was grinning. Before I could ask him why he was, he already leaned over to kiss me. "I was waiting for it for too long."
After that sentence I just thought what a beautiful man is sitting there and waiting for his friend to finish eating just to kiss her without saying anything? He got some patience which I loved. He was considerate.

I remember everytime he kissed me his hands would wander down my back and then again up to my throat.
His touches were gently, I miss that.
I remember me always having one hand at the back of his head, going through his hair and the other hand on his chest.
I remember him laying his hand on mine moving it away from his chest and holding it the whole kiss.
It was a magical moment everytime it happened and I always remember when I see him.
I could feel his love in everything he did to me.
I could hear it in his laugh, could feel it in his touch, recognize it in his kisses and feel it in the way he treated me.

I remember us two laying in my bed. The sun was shining through my curtains. You could hear the summer breeze wander past my window.
My head was laying on his chest, I could hear his heartbeat. It was fast.
I told him and he laughed. After that I took his hand and layed it down on my chest. I was wondering if he could feel mine too but he said nothing.

On another day it was raining. We where at his house.
His room was big and the windows were too. You could hear the rain fall against the glass and it was a wonderful summer thunderstorm. I wanted to open the window to feel the mix of rain and heat. The warm breeze against my face and the smell of petrichor. So I stood up freed myself from his arms and walked to his window, opened it and became what I expected. A few minutes later I felt someone behind me. It was him, he was hugging me from the back saying "What a beautiful day and I got to spend it with you. Its perfect."
Then he turned me over and we kissed in front of that window.

I remember me being sick. I didn't want him to come over because I was too weak to accompany him enough. I just wanted to lay in bed and sleep and also I didn't want him to get sick too.
I told him not to come but he did. He brought me some medicine and something to eat. Also some flowers that he hid behind his back when he was standing in front of my door.
I said him that I wanted to sleep a bit and that he shouldn't come because we can't do anything, but he was just agreeing and then carried me on my bed. He layed down next to me and cuddled me from behind. He whispered "If I didn't came, who would care for you now? I don't care if I get sick, I just want you to be healthy again." I turned over and buried my face into his chest. I remember at that moment I could've cried. He was so precious, I miss him.

I remember so much and I can't let go.
He and I were never official and we knew we couldn't. Our love was a secret and it lasted long. I just made so much memories with him, they haunt me even though they're already two years ago. I don't love him anymore, but I miss the old him.

I remember him